Rebirth
by pdotkin
Summary: What if Bella never met Edward in Italy because Alice didn t see her Cliff Diving? This Story happens 4 years after The Cullens left Forks.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the first time I ever wrote a fanfic, please let me know how if you enjoy it or not I already have 5 Chapters of it and progressing into more.**

**Chapter 1**

EPOV

I was leaving the Administration Office and wondering around the Campus, being with my family these days was harder than i ever expected it to be. Every time I caught some of them looking at me and wondering if I was ever going to get over her I could see myself in their eyes, and the reflection was disturbing. Esme looked at me with so much pity that it was even harder to stay around her, her thoughts frequently started with _"Poor Edward...."_ that just made it harder for me.

I few humans were still on the streets speeding up as if something dangerous was approaching, I sighed and thought to myself I must look much threatening to human eyes than I ever did before. I have been trying to block other people thoughts when not necessary to check if there was some creative human wondering about the weird nature of the Cullens.

I sped up as well trying to keep up my human charade when I caught that scent in the air, the scent that made my throat burn into flames and made my mouth flood with venom, the scent that I fought to resist time and time again back in Forks when.... Before I could control myself i was already chasing that scent speeding up but trying to manage my speed and keep it slightly faster than human pace. The scent was closer and I could see her, my angel, the one that changed my life completely the one I left trying to keep the dangers of our world from, the one face I held so tight to never forget.

She was walking away from the library with her brown hair over her ivory skin, her melting chocolate brown eyes, her warmth, so warm I could almolst feel her in my arms again. She looked the same, time had not changed her a bit but there was something utterly wrong with her eyes, they looked pained, no not pained, numb as if the world arround her didn´t exist at all. I kept following her from distance, watching her, trying to figure what was wrong, fighting the urge to hold her in my arms and make it all go away...

She came to a stop and looked in my direction but her blind human eyes could not see me and I smiled as if she could. She looked to the sky and let out a groan and then a tiny smile slipped from her lips and pain crossed her eyes, I could not make sense of what she was doing she crossed her arms around her chest so tight as if to keep it from breaking down to pieces, that bothered me.

Without being able to recall the reasons for leaving her I followed , this was not right, this was not how she was supposed to look after that long time, she should be happy. She walked faster as if something troubled her and stop in front of her house, immediately and laughing at the cliche I looked for her window and came in closing it an rearranging the papers that had been blown away by the wind. I hid the in her closet and listed while she cleaned up something in the kitchen. When she came to her room she stopped before her desk and rearranged the papers. Was she that methodical now that a small difference would make her notice?

I watched as prepared to go to bed Her "human minute" as she called, I smiled at this memory. When she finally was in bed she had a hard time to sleep rolling to one side to the other. She groaned

"Great Bella, That´s what you get for letting your memories get to you" What memories would perturb her that would make sleeping so hard?

She hold tight to her chest again and started crying I had to fight the urge to take her and soothe her pain, she cried for a long time, letting out long sobs like she was breaking down, in deep despair. And finally she fell asleep. I moved to her side and caressed her forehead that even in her sleep was creased in worry she smiled as if she was aware I was there, soothing her and then she spoke for the first time that night, something I didn´t expect to listen in a long time.

"Edward" She called smiling at my name, I smiled to, she was dreaming about me, my name coming out from her lips made me feel alive again, and I knew I still belonged to her, and that forever she would belong to me.

She started rolling in her bed again with sobs and tears rolling from her eyes I wanted to wake her up and tell her I deserved hell for what I had done to her that I would be hers forever if she could only forgive me, but I couldn´t, not yet, I had to see my family first. Before she woke up I left and headed to our house, humming her lullaby.

BPOV.

I left the library after not being able to find something interesting, after those months I could finally pick up my taste for reading but it had change, I couldn´t stand romances and I kept myself to Police Novels. I tried horror once but the "fairy tale" monster world lit up memories that I didn´t want running on the loose.

The night was cold, Dartmouth was cold and reminded me a bit of Forks this time of the year but it was not painfull, since I had no memories here it was safer than home, the nightmares had stop for a long time now but the numb was still in place. When I left Forks to attend to college I also left my personal sun behind, well not mine exactly since he was now Leah´s. Jake promised that his relationship with Leah would not mess our friendship but I figured it was better not to ruin things for him, he didn´t need to suffer with me and Leah was not very fond of me, for all my vampire friendship time.

I was still thinking about Forks and how my mom and Charlie had set all things up behind my back to pay for my tuition, when I had a strange feeling that someone was watching me I looked around but all I could see was darkness and few shapes forming in it, on the other side of the street, one of the lights were off so I couldn't manage to check it, I let it go probably it was just my books getting to me. I felt a shiver and looked up to the sky, I let out a low groan, It was going to snow. The snow brought back memories of Forks of that day where he first talked to me. "Hi, my name is Ed..." I stopped the memory there, I could feel the holes taking shape inside me again and involuntarily I threw my arms around my chest trying to hold myself in one piece.

I headed home speeding up, it was too cold and I was hungry, I have spent all day looking for books, but in the end I decided I would spend my holidays cleaning up the house since Forks was out of question and Rene was on her third honeymoon with Phil.

When I got home I felt the eyes on my back again and without thinking i turned but again, there was nothing there. I guess i was starting to look a bit like Rene in that sense, impressive books always get to her, I chuckled.

The house was warm and dry and that gave me deep satisfaction.

"Julie? Are you home?" I asked but got no answer.

I walked to the kitchen counter to find her note. "Bella, left early for my parents house, Happy Holidays. Julie". Great, that gave me more days alone. Julie was my roommate, she was a good company for me, she was a mix of Angela in her non intrusive way and Jessica with her endless talking. Good thing about her is that I never had to work hard to keep up conversations, and she noticed when I needed my times alone. In someways it was good to be around her, her happy atmosphere soothed some of my pain.

I cleaned up the little things Julie left for me, that annoyed me I expected something to do when I got home so I just moved to my bedroom. When I got there something looked out of place. The papers of my projects were not where I left them well maybe Julie was trying to find the notes I got from her last week.I placed everything back and started to prepare to go to bed.

I lied down but sleeping was harder than I thought.

"Great Bella, That´s what you get for letting your memories get to you" I groaned annoyed with myself.

I could not stop thinking about that day, the first time he talked to me his velvet voice, the liquid gold eyes, the smile I loved... I was gasping for air and felt the tears rolling down my cheeks I couldn´t hold anymore I broke down into infinite sobs and let my self drown in the pain.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you a lot for the reviews, I´m sorry about the spelling errors I was just so eager to get it up I ended up missing a lot of things, I looked more carefully into this Chapter. Hope you enjoy it**.

A/N: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.

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**Chapter 2 - Bella POV  
**

I woke up screaming, trying to make sense of where I was, took me a while to realize it was just a dream, a nightmare, the same nightmare. I sat up on my bed and took three deep breaths trying to regain control of myself. As my body got in control and the sobs and tears ceased I was able to think about the nightmare, it was different in someways, I was wondering around the same forest looking for something when I came to a stop, I was in a meadow, the meadow I knew so well, it looked right this time, clear and with the magical creature that belonged there, not Laurent, it was him, he was there standing in the meadow with his arms wide open and the crooked smile I loved. I fought the tears and sobs and realized my bed was shaking, no not my bed, I was shaking, I hold tight to the edge of my hole careful not to let the pieces fall and took several deep breaths. I smiled to myself wanting to slap my subconscious for not letting go the memory of his face.  
After fifteen minutes I was able to get out of bed I tripped and almost fell with my face to the floor damn my legs for not cooperating, spending time alone was not easy, let alone spending time with a serious injury. I went to the bathroom took a long hot shower to calm my system, brushed my teeth and smoothed my hair, as usual it didn't want to be smoothed I rolled my eyes and in defeat and hung it in a ponytail.

I went to the motions of breakfast prepared eggs with bacon and got some milk from the fridge. I was trying to eat and chuckled understanding why children have much more fun playing with food than eating it, when I looked down the eggs formed a pair of eyes and the bacon a wide smile I heard Renee in my memories "Bella, stop playing with you food and eat already? You are gonna be late for school honey". I smiled to my memories, this was a good one I didn´t have to be careful with that kind of memory, and smiled wide through my childhood memories. I finished my breakfast and cleaned what I have used for breakfast.  
I turned on the stereo with some CD Phil gave me, he was not into the classics but he sure had a good taste for music. I started cleaning the front room, it was not big but very cozy, the walls had different tones of yellow and the floor was almost white, the color reminded me of beach sand, we had a small couch white with brown stripes and a TV Charlie got me for my last birthday "To connect to the outside world Bells" he chuckled. I frowned at the memory. After a few hours there was nothing else to do around the house, laundry was done, everything was clean, so I followed Charlie´s suggestion and went for the TV.  
When i got to the couch the telephone started ringing I ran for it expecting Charlie or Renee.

- Hello - I said a bit breathless.  
- Bella? Are you ok? Did I...- The voice asked  
- No no, I´m fine just run a bit for the phone that´s all - I interrupted  
- Oh, I heard Julie left early, so I was wondering if you want to go out or something - The voice asked shy. AH this was high school all over again, why in earth Mike Newton had to attend to Dartmouth too.  
- You know Mike, I think it may not be a good idea... - I felt a sharp stab on my stomach - I have to go Mike.

I dint wait for him to say anything I run to the kitchen sink. I hold on to it while I puked and was grateful my hair was on a ponytail today. After the nausea was gone I got a glass of water and checked the fridge to see what had I eaten that could be making me ill. I checked the eggs and bacon but they were fine and went for the milk I muttered "Thanks a lot Julie". And darted for the sink again. Not knowing if I would be able to get to my room or the bathroom I laid on the couch and waited for it to pass. The door bell rang after a few minutes. I moaned in pain.

I froze there staring at his face not believing it.

- Mike what..- but he interrupted me  
- You hang up so fast I was worried - his eyes seem confused and worried  
- I had bad food, just that Mike, you can go home now - I started closing the door  
- No way Bella you look like trash. I´ll take you to the emergency. - I stared his face for a bit considering it but I was grateful he had come  
- Thanks Mike.

While we waited in the emergency room for the doctor to return with my prescription I heard something I didn´t expect here, well not just here, nowhere, I didn´t expect to hear that voice ever again. I tried to control myself and listened harder to the voice but it was gone. It was just the familiarity that all hospitals had added to my dream. The door opened and Mike hurried to the doctor to get my prescription pulling me out of my thoughts.

- Ok Bella, let´s get your medicine and I´ll drop you home - He said with gentle eyes  
- Thanks Mike! I really appreciated it. - The idea of Mike stalking me was terrible but today I really had to thank him, if he didn´t show up I´d provably be sick for two or three more days

Mike tried to find someway to support me, when we were leaving the hospital. He looked a bit embarrassed, as if not sure if this would offend me in someway, before he decided I wouldn´t be offended I spoke up.

- Mike, don´t worry, i´m not going to faint or anything - I smiled, he nodded

Mike dropped me home and said he was sorry that we wouldn´t be able to do anything during the holidays, he had to go to Forks. _"My mom is almost biting my head off for being away too long..."_. I laughed with him and assured I was ok and said I had projects to finish anyway.

I was so tired when I got home that I went straight to bed. I started thinking about the voice I heard in the hospital, I was hearing voices again, probably i´m just loosing it. It´s funny tho, when I heard his voice he was talking to me, today the voice in the hospital was talking to someone else. I really must be loosing it. I let go that trail of thoughts, thinking about them was still hard, I concentrated and tried to sleep.

I had a dreamless night, except for one moment, where I felt a cold touch to my forehead. Soon the faint light of the morning woke me up, my vision was blurry and I could not make sense of the scene. This was wrong why did I have a blanket on me? I don´t remember getting a blanket maybe I woke up in the middle of the night, great not only I talked while I was sleeping, had I turned into some sleep walker too?

I got off of bed and went through the motions to start the morning. Today would be dedicated to study.

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**Chapter 3 Teaser - Edward POV**

I raced home as fast I could, my body was filled with excitement, to see my angel was already a miracle but to hear my name escape from her lips in her dreams filled my body with life, I knew what I had done to her, I knew I had left her, I wanted her to forgive me, I wanted her to look me in the eyes and see what a big liar I was, to show her how much I will always love her, I knew deep inside I left her knowing what was best for her, but seeing her again, watching her sleep after the eternity this four years seemed made my reasons small, insignificant, I wanted her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, this is going a bit out of hand. I feel so excited about sharing this story with everyone that I keep arguing with myself if it wouldn´t be better to upload all the chapters I have ready and end this torment. Well, I guess in the end a bit suspense helps the climax of the story, but I can promise you I already have 6 Chapters ready and the 7th is half way done. I´ll try to put one Chapter each day, but it might slow down during the next week. This plot is turning out in an amazing way, and I hope I´m being true enough to the original characters. Please let me know if you like it.  
**

**Thank you for the reviews, the critics always helps improving.  
**

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**Chapter 3**

**EPOV**

I raced home as fast I could, my body was filled with excitement, to see my angel was already a miracle but to hear my name escape from her lips in her dreams filled my body with life, I knew what I had done to her, I knew I had left her, I wanted her to forgive me, I wanted her to look me in the eyes and see what a big liar I was, to show her how much I love her, I knew deep inside I left her knowing what was best for her, but seeing her again, witching her sleep after the eternity this four years seemed made my reasons small, insignificant, I wanted her.

I got home and saw everyone looking at me with wide eyes like I was a stranger invading their home. I could hear their thoughts around me now, now that I was living again I didn´t ever bother and didn´t try to block them.

_"He is... happy" _- Jasper raised one eyebrow

_"Kid really lost it"_ - Emmett frowned

_"Idiot" _- Rosalie thought and left the room

_"Edward..."_ - Alice gasped

I gave her a pleading look, I wanted to be the one to tell them, I wanted them to know my decision, if they didn´t like it... I didn´t care, I only cared about her, about being with her, seeing her cry and suffer would have made my heart stop if it wasn´t already dead. I needed to take care of her, to protect her from everything. Without being able to help I moved to the piano and started playing again after years. I heard Esme rushing from her room to hear it.

_"It's been so long, he haven´t played since..."_ Esme thought as I drafted and changed into her favorite song _"Did he meet someone?" _I just smiled, I would wait until Carlisle got home so I could tell everyone, I knew Rosalie would just trash my cars to take it out but at this point I didn´t care about Rosalie. I played for hours until Carlisle arrived.

_"You look different"_ - He thought his eyes wide in disbelief.

- I would like to talk to everyone - I said standing away from the piano and heading for the couch where the rest of my family was sitting, Emmett turned off whatever he was watching on TV. I waited while I tried to control the emotions flowing inside me. Esme was on my left side and Carlisle on my right, the others were sitting on the couch in from of me.

- I saw Bella today - I said letting a huge smile escape my lips

Everyone looked shocked, except for Alice of course, and Carlisle

- How is she? _I miss her so much, she made Edward so happy, is that why.. _- Esme asked holding tight on my left arm

- Beautiful as always mother. - I placed my hand on hers giving her a smile

- You don´t seem surprised Carlisle

- I saw her today at the Hospital - This caught me off guard, I left her for one day and she was already in the hospital? I felt the urge to run to her and see if she wasn´t injured. Carlisle felt my unease and tried to calm me

- She just had some bad food, she will be fine Edward. _"Please tell us what you need"_- I nodded

- I... I think I made a mistake leaving her, when I saw her again today, when I saw her eyes, I knew it was a mistake. I can´t not live without her, I can´t be happy without her, I want to be with her... - My voice broke as I explained

- Edward you are not going to do this to us again, you brought this girl to our lives once, and made us all leave because you didn´t want her to suffer, and now you decided you were wrong? What about our choices, OUR lives? - Rosalie shouted coming back into the room I tried to ignore her but she had a point

- I don´t want to involve you in this, I am the one in love with her, I won´t make you go through that again Rosalie, I won´t leave her again - I promised

- If you leave again, don´t expect us to go with you. We did this once because you made a mistake, and you are doing it again Edward think about your family. You remember what happened the last time. - She flashed memories of all of us suffering from Bella´s absence we all loved her, except cold Rosalie.

- I say you go get her Bro! _"She is the only one that keeps you sane" _- Emmett jumped from the couch raising his fist to me I raised mine and gave him a little punch

- Edward, you are strong enough to leave her, I was that time, but I suffered too, she is my friend, I love her... _"If you ever decide you are doing that to her again I´ll stay" _- Jasper just nodded in agreement

- So can I go see her now? I wonder if her taste for clothes got better - Alice mused moving to the door

- No Alice, let me talk to her first, please - I pleaded her she agreed with me

- Edward... I don´t think _"She was with Mike today, at the hospital, I think..." _ - I shook my head, my eyes went dead. What was this? I was sure she said my name. Was she with Mike now? Did she get what I wished for her? A normal life?

I darted out the door running to see her, it was late in the night I didn't have to worry about keeping my run at human speed, I needed to see her, I felt like breaking down into pieces, my heart felt colder than ever, I needed to see her, to make sure. Did I have the right to do that? To walk back into her life and demand explanations about vile Mike Newton? I slowed but kept running. What if she was happy now, What if she started crying because she was having a bad dream about me, a nightmare , I didn´t want to believe that.

I run to her window and got in, making sure I left everything in the right place this time. She was having a peaceful sleep this night, but she was curled into a ball shivering a bit. I looked her cabinets for a blanket and placed on top of her making sure I wouldn´t bother her sleep. I watched her the entire night, waiting for her to speak, to give me some information, but she never spoke, when the night was almost coming to an ending I kissed her forehead. I kissed her goodbye, I felt her smell burn my throat for the last time, and I was sure that if I could, I would cry. I was not going to ruin life for her, she seemed happy, and her happiness means everything to me, even if her happiness is with Mike Newton. I have lost my angel, and I could only blame myself for it.

- Good bye Bella love - I kissed her forehead again and left her life forever as I promised

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**Chapter 4 Teaser**

I stalked the short pixie woman around the aisles looking at her letting on my memories run loose, I felt the hole in my chest but I couldn´t think of it, I tried to make the words come many times but I couldn´t. Was I finally insane? First Carlisle´s voice at the hospital, now Alice? I was sure my mind was just playing tricks on me.


	4. Chapter 4

**I´m so sorry how things turned in the last chapter, but I figure our favorite couple is just like this, they would never risk each other happiness. The next chapters will be a bit longer, since its where the story unroll and start developing into something new. Hope You enjoy it.**

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**Chapter 4**

The day passed fast, I was so focused on my project that I didn´t realize it was almost night. I organized my papers and put them away, I got up and stretched, all my muscles felt like stone for being in the same position for a long time. I went to the kitchen to prepare myself dinner, I looked the cabinets and the fridge but they were almost empty, if I wanted to make a decent dinner today I would have to go out. I changed into some warm clothes and picked up my jacket. I hurried to my truck trying not to fall, I turned on the heater shivering a bit and waited until it felt comfortable.

I decided to stop on a department store first I needed new socks badly and I have been putting this clothes shopping thing for a long time now. I hurried through the women's section looking for what I needed but I couldn´t find any socks that seemed warm and comfortable. I heard a low groan behind me but I didn´t stop to look I was in a bit of a hurry, I still needed to get groceries. I turned around to look on the other pile when I saw a short little girl with short black hair, she moved like a fairy picking the things she wanted. My heart started beating faster.

I stalked the short pixie woman around the aisles looking at her letting on my memories run loose, I felt the hole in my chest but I couldn´t think of it, I tried to make the words come many times but I couldn´t. Was I finally insane? First Carlisle at the hospital, now Alice? I was sure my mind was just playing tricks on me.

- Al-Alice? - I managed to choke out. She turned so fast I couldn´t see the movement

- Bella? Bella! - She darted through the aisle hugging me so tight that I felt like I wouldn´t shatter for the first time. She loosen her hug and start shaking me - Bella? Breath, you are turning blue.

- Alice I...- I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks, I felt everything in place, I felt something! - I missed you so much Alice.

- Oh Bella, I missed you too - She held me again stroking my hair, soothing me

- How are you Alice? - I magaged to speak between sobs

- I´m fine Bella. How are you? - She looked at me

- F-Fine - I hid my face on her shoulder

- Don´t lie to me Bella you look terrible. And your clothes argh - She made a disgusting sound

- You weren´t there to dress me up everyday remember? - I chuckled

- What are you doing here Bella? Shopping for clothes? That´s new - She stared in disbelief

- No, just needed socks - I mumbled

- Did you find them?

- No, and not that I care right now - I hugged her again, Her cold hard skin and her sweet smell was all I could thing about. - Alice? Why are you here?

- Shopping - She pointed at the bags she left on the floor when she came to hug me. I let go of her but still followed as she moved to her bags

- Alice? Can I...shop around with you? - I asked in a low voice

- Actually Bella I´m all done - She said in her wind chime voice

- Oh... - I felt the hole growing in my chest, she was leaving again.

- Do you want to eat something? - She asked to my surprise, I felt a smile opening wide on my face

- Sure Alice, where do you want to go? - I hold tight to her arm, I couldn´t let her go, I didn´t want her out of my sight for one instant.

- I have an idea. Come - She darted out the store and headed to her car

- Alice, my car... - I looked back to my truck

- Too slow - She shook her head and pushed me into the Mercedes

The smell of the Mercedes flooded my mind with memories, the memory when Edward feared for my life, a time he cared for me. I remembered him defending me from James, sucking out the venom to keep me human. Dragging me to the prom... I stopped there, I didn´t want to think about my birthday, the day he decided to leave, the day my life ended.

Alice raced through the tight roads smiling to herself, as if she was a kid enjoying a ride on the park. I smiled, having her so close was like having part of my life back. She had missed me not the way I missed her, but the thought of Alice missing me made me think she could like me a bit. The car came to a sudden stop. We were in front of a huge white mansion, with immense windows. Alice started pulling me out of the car as if she was in a hurry.

- Come Bella, we are not going to bite you - She laughed

- Just give me a second Alice. - I asked. Was I prepared to face them? I knew Rosalie didn´t like me, so I didn´t have much expectations, but Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, Edw... I took a deep breath trying to calm my self while Alice tapped her feet impatiently.

We walked through the huge door, I was holding onto Alice´s arm, just in case it was too much. It was not the same house, but the light colors, the wide spaces and the huge windows filled me with joy. It was familiar enough. This looked like a Cullen house. The front room was occupied by two huge couches and a plasma someone was watching.

- Everyone, come here. I got us a surprise - She chanted and smiled at me, I hold tighter to her arm.

Soon enough all of the Cullens were standing in the room, Esme hurried to me and gave me a hug

- Oh, Bella dear, I missed you so much - She let me go but got my hand and kept holding it.

- Welcome Bella. - Carlisle said and smiled patting my shoulders

- Bella - Emmett grinned at me and pulled me off the floor like I was a feather

- Can´t br-breath Emmett - He laughed and let go off me I blushed and Emmet burst into laughter

- Thank god, I though you wouldn´t be funny anymore. - Emmett said and moved to Rosalie´s side.

- Bella. - Rosalie said in a cold voice, I bent my head toward her.

- Hello Bella, It´s good to have you around again - Jasper said, I started to feel real calm.

- Thanks Jasper

Esme moved to the couch, I felt a bit uncomfortable but almost complete, I had my vampire family back with me, It was my dream coming to reality, I felt joy overwhelming my body. And I noticed someone moving to sit on the other couch near Jasper. It was him. My memories had not done justice to his face, he was even more perfect than I could remember, but his eyes I could remember perfectly, it was the look he had before he left me , the same cold look, the look he gave me made my hole grow twice inside my chest, before I couldn´t feel my lungs and my heart was gone but now all of me was gone, he really didn´t want me. I could see through the scorching gold of his eyes, they alternated between pain and anger. Did he hate me for being here? Should I live? I tried to hold my chest not to break down but Esme and Alice held tight to my hands, and that for me was enough.

- Bella - He said coldly and looked to his sister. I saw Jasper move uncomfortable in his sit, the emotions must be terrible for him right now.

- Hi - I tried to force a smile but I failed miserably.

- Bella tell us everything you did since we left, I missed you so much, I want to know it all - Esme asked stroking my hair

- Well - I tried to think for a moment on what I had done since they left, It all seemed just like a big blur, the only clear memories I had was about the time I spent with Jacob and all my wild experiences with motorcycles and cliff diving - I didn´t do much, you know me, I´m not very good at biding.

- Bella dear, you must have done something in four years. How is Charlie? - She asked trying to get some information.

- Charlie is great, he got someone to look after him, thank god for Sue, I would feel guilty leaving Charlie with the food he cook - Everyone laughed, but him - Renee is out on her third honeymoon with Phil, they are really happy together and that makes it easier to let go of her.

- And your friends? - She asked

- Well, I don´t have many friends, but that´s normal for me - I reminded about the La Push kids, Angela and Julie - After you were gone I spent most of my time around La Push with Jacob and his friends. Most of the high school kids were too frightened to have me around I guess.

- Who would be scared of you? - Emmett laughed, I just smiled back

- Tell me about Jacob, everything about him. - Alice asked

- There is not much to tell Alice, Jacob was a great friend, he supported me when I needed, but I decided he should take care of his life. He met his lucky one and he will soon be married, it was not fair for me to interfere with Leah´s and Jacobs happiness.

- Jacob? With Leah? - Edward ask in disbelief - I thought he would be all over you when we left.

- It happened but for a short time - I winced at the memory of when he left me, and I remembered when Jacob left me, I thought I was going to get lost into darkness - He fell quickly for Leah. It´s really common around La Push, They believe in love at first sight. But yeah I had great times with him, we got ourselves bikes and rode it for hours, we also did cliff diving - I felt Edward tension and Jasper almost jumped out out the couch feeling the change in his mood.

- Jasper, I... I wanted to apologize for that day. If I was careful, if I had payed attention. I´m sorry I didn´t mean to cause you pain - I finally could apologize to Jasper for what I had done.

- It´s not your fault Bella, I never blamed you - He tapped my right hand that was on Alice´s lap

- Esme, I invited Bella to dinner, are we going to starve her? - Alice asked giving Esme a meaning full look.

- Oh my, I´m sorry dear - she stood up and started moving to the kitchen.

- No Esme, don´t worry about me, I don´t want to cause you any trouble. - This was sick, these people well, vampires don´t eat.

- Don´t be silly Bella, I see you as a daughter, how could I let you hungry. - She had already left when I said my thanks.

The TV was on and it took me a while to realize that everyone left the room, everyone but him. My heart started to pound faster and my breath became uneven. I thought I heard him chuckle, but my heart was so loud I could not hear it.

- Bella? - He paused for a second and started moving to my direction, my heart was frenzied inside me - Do you mind talking to me for a minute?

- S-Sure - He held his hand out for me, and I took it, his skin was better than I could ever dream cold and so soft against mine, his touch sent electric shots through my body, as if it was trying to restart my dead body.

He leaded me out to the backyard and he sat on a bench pulling me down. He didn´t look at me and let go of my hand. He stared at the moon, the moon light shinning on his face made him look even more perfect, his skin was perfect white.

- How are you Bella? - He asked looking in my eyes for the first time in a long time.

- Ahm, fine - I answered and felt his jaw tightening

- Are you...happy? - Was he serious? How could I be happy? I thought I made myself clear that I would never be happy without him, he looked in pain, I had to lie, I had to make him happy at least, this was all I cared about.

- Yes - I lied, but he seemed to fall for it - And you? How are you?

- Good - He answer with a smile on his lips, but I could see in his eyes he didn´t mean it

- Really? - I pushed a bit he looked at me like I had pushed it too far, like I offended him deeply questioning his honesty - I mean, good, it´s good you are happy.

We stood in silence for a long time he was watching the moon and I was watching him. This was heaven and hell, I could feel my body burning in satisfaction and pain.

- Bella, dinner is ready - Alice called.

I stood up and started moving towards the house, Edward caught my hand and stopped me, for a second I could see his eyes melting, warming he wanted to tell me something, I could see it as his eyes melted into liquid I saw the scorching pain behind them was unbearable. I was making him miserable, I knew I was the cause, but could I leave him? Did I have the strength now that I was so close? He was everything I wanted, everything I asked for this last four years. But to see him is such pain, I would give him up, if that made him happy.

- I think I should go - I turned to leave but his hands still held mine

- Don´t please - He pleaded his eyes burning into mine

- But I´m hurting you - He shrugged for a second and recompose

- You couldn´t hurt me, don´t be absurd - His eyes were cold again but he chuckled and pulled me to the house. Of course I couldn´t hurt him, how can you hurt someone if you simply don´t care, if you are indifferent.

Dinner was delicious, even tho vampires didn´t eat they could cook amazing things. Esme made Italian food, the smell, texture and temperature made it even more perfect, I could taste everything she used to make this pasta and it tasted great.

- Esme, did you ever consider opening a restaurant? - I asked eating more

- No, but I should really consider it. We are not used to cook. - She laughed

- You should go into business, it would be a sin to die without tasting your food Esme. Charlie would give his two arms for this pasta, I bet.

Everyone laughed, when I finished eating we moved back into the living room, only Alice, Carlisle and Esme were still questioning about my life, Alice already had a brush in hand playing with my hair. I didn´t mind being her barbie, as long as I had her in my life I could be her giant paper doll that I wouldn´t care.

After long hours I was starting to fell a bit sleepy and made the huge mistake of letting out the werewolves secret, we were talking about Leah and Jacob again and I let escape the imprinting thing after you became a werewolf. I could see Edward sitting in front of us clutching his fists into balls.

- Werewolves? - Carlisle asked amazed

- Yeah - I paused thinking of how much I could tell them.

- But when...? We thought the line died with Ephraim Black

- Jake said that when you moved back to Forks you set things in motion - I shrugged at his surprise, I thought he was supposed to know that

- When did they started changing?

- I´m not sure, Jake told me Sam changed before I moved to Forks, I don´t really know about Paul and Jared, maybe a few months before you left, But Jake, Quill, Embry and Seth changed only after months.

- Amazing. - Carlisle was lost in his thoughts - But if we were gone, would did they keep changing?

- I guess Laurent and Victoria were the reason - Edward hissed and growled now.

- Laurent? Vic-Victoria? - Edward asked

- They came back for me after a few months, but the wolves got them. - I remembered my best friend fighting Victoria, and almost panicked.

- We are so sorry Bella, we didn´t know they would come for you - Carlisle shook his head and placed his hand on my shoulder.

- It´s ok Carlisle, no one got hurt. - I assured him but let out a involuntary yawn.

- I think I should drive you home now Bella - Alice said pulling me up the couch

- But I have to get my truck

- It´s ok. Edward will drive it home, won´t you Edward? - He looked at her with flaming eyes if looks could kill Alice would be dead on the floor.

- Now let´s go Bella, we have a big day tomorrow. - What? we did? I wasn´t expecting for that but it made me want to sing, knowing I would have at least Alice tomorrow already made my life happier.

I said good bye to everyone, Esme begged me to come back soon, and if it depended on me I would, I loved everyone here, but I didn´t want to cause pain, especially for Edward. Alice made the way back faster, or so it seemed because I was half asleep. When we got to my truck I said good bye to them too sleepy to bother Alice about our plans for tomorrow and headed for it, I opened the driver´s side and started going in but a cold hand stopped me.

- What do you think you are doing? - He asked looking at me with hard eyes

- I´m driving home - I said in confusion

- You honestly believe I would let you drive in this state? You might actually kill someone - He chuckled, I groaned

- I´m perfectly fine, now move - I tried to dodge him but he was in front of the door before I could get in, he was so close I could smell his sweet scent I could feel it intoxicating every cell of my body

- Please Bella? You didn´t make me come all the way down here for nothing did you?

- Me? You should talk to Alice, she is the one you want - I pointed to where the Mercedes was parked a minute before but she was already gone. He was still looking at me pleading with his eyes, how could I say no? I had so little to offer him, and if that would make him happy... - Go slow ok? Remember, ancient truck. I know you drive like crazy.

He nodded in promise, I dropped my keys to his hand and moved to the passenger sit. He was keeping his promise, I guess he wasn´t in the mood for my talk about his crazy driving today, it was so silent I had a hard time not sleeping, I skipped in and out of continence, but at some point I couldn´t hold anymore and just fell asleep.

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**Chapter 5 Teaser**

-Great! Just a minute - I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my hand breathing through my mouth to avoid passing out and went for the door I was so frustrated with the situation that I didn´t pay any attention to my tone when I opened it.  
- What? - I widened my eyes. Edward´s eyes flew to my hand where I just had open a cut - Wait here. I´m so sorry about this.  
- Bella are you alright? - He was beside me taking my hand before I could even take two steps. I knew how much pain this caused him, and I knew it was much more painful because my blood made him burn more than any blood ever did.


	5. Chapter 5

**Please Review, they are so important to keep me doing a good work. Let me know how are you liking it. I would also love suggestions and critics.  
**

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**Chapter 5**

I remember the sensation of flying and someone covering me up. I also felt a cold touch to my cheek and the dreams came again. Those were happy dreams, where all my friends played together on the beach, all the Cullens were there, my werewolf friends were there even Charile and Renee. We were all in La Push enjoying the sunny day, everyone, just happy, but when I looked closer I could see Edward isolated, sitting alone staring at the horizon, I wanted to go to him, but my legs wouldn´t move and as I tried to reached for him the distance between us seemed bigger and bigger. I woke up gasping.

I saw something moving in my periferal vision and I rubbed my eyes to get a clear view of it.

- Alice? - I asked a bit groggy

- Good morning sleepy. - She sang while she darted in and out of the closet taking clothes from boxes and bags and coming back with a bunch of my clothes and throwing them on the floor

- What are you doing Alice? - I whined

- Cleaning up. Since you don´t do it, I guess I´ll have to. - She grimace

- Alice, I need those clothes - I cried

- No you don´t, I got you new ones, so for each new piece I got you you have to get rid of 2, and since you wouldn´t do it... Well, I´ll just do it for you and if my math is right you will have to get rid of all your old rags - She grinned

- But Alice...- Before I could finish she held a finger in the air warning me

- Don´t argue Bella, I can see I´m going to win. By the way, it´s for you - She frowned, before I could ask what was she talking about the telephone rang.

- Hello?

- Bella? How are you?

- Oh, I´m great Mike, how was the trip home?

- Great, My mom is giving me a hard time, she said I lost too much weight, and I´m not feeding right - He laughed

- Parents will always be parents - I chuckled

- I just called to check in how your stomach was.

- It´s great, thanks Mike.

- Ok Bella, see you in a few days I guess

- Sure, see ya.

I hung up the phone and got scared when Alice was standing besides me with a grimace on her face.

- Gosh, you scared me - My hand jumped to my heart as if to hold it in place

- Isabella Swan you are so cold - she gave me a hard look. Huh? That was unexpected, cold? Why?

- Why do you say that Alice? - I shrugged

- Did you see the way you talked to your boyfriend? You might have hurt his feelings you know? -What? Boyfriend? Mike? I felt the world spinning as that sunk in.

- Alice are you drunk? - I asked holding myself not to laugh

- No, why would I be? - She shook her head in confusion

- Me dating Mike? - I couldn´t hold my laughter anymore - Are you insane? Mike is a friend, and sometimes he turns into a creepy stalker but nothing BUT friends.

- That changes things - She said with a huge smile on her face.

- Change what? - And than it hit me like a truck without breaks. If Alice thought I was dating Mike then... I felt the ground was being taken away from me, I tried to hold to the walls but I couldn´t find my arms my eyes closed and soon I lost all my senses.

- BELLA? Bella? - I felt cold hands on my forehead, I tried to answer but I couldn´t I was still in shock

- What happened Alice? - I heard Carlisle ask

- I dont know, I just talked about treating her boyfriend bad, she went into hysterics, she started laughing and asked if I was drunk and then she passed out. - I blinked at the memory

- Bella are you ok? - Carlisle asked

- Yes - I groaned, I tried to get up but 2 pairs of hands pushed me to the bed

- Stay like that for a few minutes ok? Alice come with me - They left me in my bedroom I concentrated on their talk trying to make sense of Alice´s words

_"Why would she go into hysterics over that?"_ - Carlisle asked

_"It seems she is not dating Mike"_ - Alice responded with a cheery voice

_"Oh"_

_"Yes, I know. Should we tell him?"_ - Alice Asked

_"Would that change anything?"_

_"I don´t know"_ - Alice shrugged

_"Go, he is almost here"_ - Alice said in a hurry

Alice was back in the room before I could think about their conversations.

- Hurry, we have to get you ready, your little episode made us out of time, go take a shower - She commanded

- Alice, What is this about?

- Just go! I have to leave. Try to pick something nice to wear, It won´t be hard

- Alice.. - I groaned, she shot me a menacing look and defeated I went to get ready to whatever she was setting me up.

I took a long hot shower trying to make sense of what just happened. So Edward thought I was dating Mike, is that why he looked in pain and agony? But he left me because he didn´t want me anymore, he didn´t love me anymore... I held tight to my chest, I didn´t want to break into pieces, I had some pieces of me already in place, most of the people I loved were back in my life, and seemed pleased to have me back, I rejoiced over the memory of Esme´s face when she saw me, and tried to keep good memories, but as soon as I ran that night in my mind I saw his face again, in pain, anger, agony, I wanted to make things right for him. What could I do to make things right for him?

I dried my hair thinking how I could make things right for Edward, how could I give him happiness. but the only option that crossed my mind was too hard for me. I could leave them alone, never show up and pretend they dont exist, that would give him some peace of mind. I can´t do it, I love them, they are my family too, but I love him more, can I endure this pain to make him happy? I thought that if I ever met him again I would hate him for leaving me, for not wanting me, but I still loved him. Yes, that is the right thing to do.

I finished with my hair and moved back to my room, defeated by my decision, but I still have a few moments with them smiling at the thought that Alice did forget to pick up the pile of old rags as she called it, I felt triumphant, this battle I won. Shock crossed my face when I passed my door and noticed the pile was gone, where it once stood was a little note, I picked it up.

_"You really think you´d win this one didn´t you?"_

Damn it, why could she see the future. I went inside my closet cursing Alice for being that good and started looking through the clothes she left there. From what she said earlier I figured I´d have half of the normal amount of clothes to pick up but I had triple the original amount. I gasped and spent at least 5 minutes looking for something more comfortable and less Alice.

I ended up in a blue blouse and caqui pants, they looked good enough. I moved to the kitchen realizing I didn´t have breakfast and grabbed cereal and opened a new box of milk, I checked twice to see if it was still good, I also grabbed an apple but I only wanted half, I was cutting the apple in half when the doorbell rang and scared me. I looked up with a little jump and soon enough there was blood dripping from my hand.

-Great! Just a minute - I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my hand breathing through my mouth to avoid passing out and went for the door I was so frustrated with the situation that I didn´t pay any attention to my tone when I opened it.

- What? - I widened my eyes. Edward´s eyes flew to my hand where I just had open a cut - Wait here. I´m so sorry about this.

- Bella are you alright? - He was beside me taking my hand before I could even take two steps. I knew how much pain he went through, and I knew it was much more painful because my blood made him burn more than any blood ever did.

- Edward don´t - I pulled my hand out, but he picked it up again

- I can handle it - He took a deep breath smiling at the smell, was he masochist now? - Let me see it.

- You don´t have too, I got it - but he held my hand tighter and removed the towel.

- It doesn´t look bad, you won´t need stitches or anything. Do you have a first aid kit?

- Yes - I went to the bathroom and brought it back with me, I handed to him, I knew if I smelled the blood I would pass out, and I didn´t want to pass out, not again, not in front of him and easy enough he didn´t seem to have any trouble with it.

He gently removed the towel and started cleaning the injury, I payed attention to his work, watching him take each breath, like this never hurt him, like my blood was nothing but water, my blood didn´t have any appeal to him now? Did he hate me so much that my blood was somehow disgusting to him? I know it is a sick thought but I felt a bit offended, this was the one thing I knew I had on him. He cleaned the injury twice and made a perfect bandage covering every inch of the injury. It stung a bit but not as bad as if it was a deep cut, this one was just superficial. I stood up and started cleaning everything bleaching the places where I spilled blood.

- I´m sorry I interrupted your breakfast - He smiled at the half apple and the cereal already turning into something disgusting

- Well, good thing I don´t appeal to you anymore or I would be breakfast - I half smiled at my dark joke

- Bella, this is not funny. - He frowned in disapproval

- Sorry. Ahm, Edward - I felt my hole burning inside me when I spoke his name - Why are you here? Alice just left and...

- I´m not looking for Alice - He arched one perfect eyebrow

- Oh - I knew what he wanted, he came here to tell me to leave his family alone, to never bother them again. He couldn´t tell me yesterday so he would tell me today

- Actually I came here looking for you - he was serious, I was right about this. I´ll do this fast, less pain for me, I´ll bring his relief soon, I want him to be happy. I wanted to make the words come out but I couldn´t, Why was I being so selfish now? I already made this decision, I just have to do it.

- You look beautiful - I looked up to his face in confusion, I felt the burning reaching my cheeks.

- Thanks- I mumbled. I headed for the couch. Yes this was easier, I wouldn´t trip or anything, or fall down on my knees when he smiled at my decision. I sat on the couch pulling my legs up. I braced them with much force I could not to break down.

- Edward - I looked into his eyes, trying not to give anything away, but I could feel the panic building up in my chest. I took a deep breath. He came to take a sit beside me still staring at me, I closed my eyes so I could concentrate. Focus Bella, you can do this, you can make him happy. That´s what you want. - I´m sorry I intruded your life last night, I didn´t mean to. I know it´s hard for you to be around me and I could see how painful it was.

- Bella - He interrupted me, thousand of emotions crossed his face. I had to do this. For him.

- Please let me finish - I took another deep breath - I could see how hard it was for you I saw the pain and agony in your eyes, and I never wanted that for you I want you to be happy, I need you to be happy. I love your family, but if that makes you suffer soon enough they will suffer too, and I can´t live knowing I´m the source of your pain. So I will leave you and your family alone, I will pretend we never met - small lumps started to form in my throat, my voice was getting smaller I fought with all my strength the tears that threatened to come- It´s what you need.

- You are being completely absurd. - what? I was in shock, his clenched his jaw so tight I thought it was going to snap at any moment, pain and anger burned in his eyes. Wasn´t this what he wanted? I was confused he saw the confusion in my face and relaxed his jaw, he took a deep breath and composed himself, now he had a sweet look in his eyes.

- I... - He held one hand up stopping me from saying sorry

- I came here to ask if... - he twitched his fingers and looked almost embarrassed - if you would like to be friends. I know I made you suffer in the past but I´m really sorry about that. I shouldn´t have said those things, I had everything right in my mind but they came out the wrong way that day. Please forgive me.

- I... - I was completely stunned at his response, this was not the thing I would have expected not even in a thousand years. Hate? Yes but friends? Were all vampires on drugs now? How could he think I could be friends with him, knowing how strong my feelings for him were. Maybe his feeling were not strong but mine had crossed the friendship line years ago. What was this sick joke? - I don´t know. Edward I... I am confused, I don´t know what to think.

- Please consider it. - he gave me the crooked smile I loved his scorching golden eyes burned into mine. He got up - I´ll be waiting you answer. - He said before he left.

Friends? Can I even consider it? How could he ask me to be friends with him if what I wanted was to love him to be his lover, his mate, was this how Jake felt when I started going to La Push? Could I be friends with him and just be content I had his presence in my life? What if he decided to leave again, this friendship would worth nothing, and I would be the one falling into pieces in the end. I thought about the subject with tears rolling down my eyes. I stood there holding my self for hours, considering, as he asked. Eventually my thoughts drifted to a different direction everything seemed blurry but with rich colors. I knew I was dreaming but yet it felt so real.

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	6. Chapter 6

**I´m so sorry I took this long to update. This weekends was crazy. My life changed into something I didnt expect at all. Things should come back to normal now. Thank you for the reviews, I followed your advices and changed the - for "", hope its easier on the eyes now.**

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**Chapter 6**

I was with Edward in our meadow, we were laughing, everything was easier with him, he held my hands into his he smiled constantly at me. All of the sudden he turned his head into a different direction, he glowed in happiness. After a few moments the most gorgeous creature I´ve ever seen appeared from the trees, she had a long deep dark brown hair, her eyes were liquid gold, she had perfect marble skin and moved with such grace that would made a human girl cry. Edward held his arms wide to her, she darted out from the woods and rested her head on his chest. This was painful. They were the same, two gods loving each other in their perfection. Nothing could separate them. I begged him to look at me to explain, to make me understand, but he just said _"Bella, be a good friend and say hi to my wife"._ I felt the air being punched out of my lungs. Wife? They traded many love words and every second of that scene killed a part of me. I started crying, asking why he would make me suffer like that, but when the sun came out, I could understand. Her skin threw sparkles through the entire meadow I stared at Edward and he just looked at her, dazzled. I started screaming but nothing I did could make them look at me. He was mine, and she was taking him away from me. I screamed louder and louder. I felt the world shaking, as if the entire world would crack.

"Bella" I heard someone calling me and shaking me. I opened my eyes filled with tears, still sobbing from my terrible nightmare. "It´s going to be ok"

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I managed to speak and started into my despair again

"Shhh. Don´t talk now. It was just a nightmare." My angel was comforting me, he rubbed my back, I rested my head on his shoulders shaking from my desperate cry, tears rolling down my cheeks, I was crying like there was no tomorrow. But if that dream ever happened, there would be no tomorrow for me.

"It´s going to be ok" He said and pulled me to his lap cuddling me and shaking me slowly until the sobs stopped.

"Thank you" I cleaned my eyes and looked at him hurting from the memory. Just picturing him with someone other than me would be enough to make me fall apart, but knowing it was someone I couldn´t compete with was just torture. Knowing that he would never say those words to me again hurt even more.

"What happened Bella?" He held my face up fixing hair locks behind my ears. His eyes were soft and burned in agony.

"Jus-Just a bad dream" I looked down, I started moving back to my place on the couch, he tighten his grip around me holding me closer in his chest. It´s almost like he was warm. the cold touch of his skin felt like sun after months of winter.

"Want to talk about it?" I shook my head

"What are you doing here?" I asked finally putting my feet into reality

"I came to get your answer" Ouch. After the dream I had how could I accept this? This was torture I felt like I was the masochist. I looked into his eyes, they were burning into mine, they were liquid now, not cold , not hard. He wanted this, I could see in his eyes. I would have to be strong enough for him. He would do the same if he still loved me.

"I guess we can make it work out" I looked away from his gaze, he hugged me so tight I forgot why I was crying, I forgot the hole in my chest, nothing else matters. Just him. He let go of his hug and had a smile so beautiful It was hard for me to bear it. Yes. This is why I can endure this, for his smile. "I need a minute"

I got up and went to the bathroom and washed my face, my eyes were red almost popping out of my head. I brushed my teeth methodically trying to use the movements to calm my self. I washed my face again and brushed my hair. I stared at the mirror for a long minute, trying to make all the pain and despair gone from my face, it was hard, but I could do it, I had done it for Charlie. I would do this for him. Three deep breaths knowing that even if I broke down time and time again, I was not to show him my pain. I was to make him happy, even in my own way. I smiled to the mirror and left.

I came back to the room, trying to hold my decision in place. He stared at me like I was crazy, or like he didn´t trust me. This was bothering me

"What?" I asked impatient

"How are you feeling?" He asked looking into my eyes and placing his hand on my forehead, expecting me to go into shock.

"I´m fine" I forced a laugh and shook his hand off me "I´m not going into shock"

"I don´t believe you" He frowned

"How do you expect us to be friends if you don´t believe me?"

"I believe you won´t go into shock. But fine would be the last description for you now." He was worried, I could see that in his eyes

"You know how vivid my nightmares can be" I mumbled trying to seem annoyed from his eavesdropping my nights of sleep.

"True. So as a friend, do you mind if I ask a question?"

"You already did" I smiled

"Then another one" He chuckled, this sound was like music to my ears.

"Ok."

"What was this dream about? You yelled so much I thought you were hurt" He was staring at the ceiling now

"I really don´t want to talk about. Please let it go" Yes I was hurt, he just couldn´t see it

"I guess the nightmare was about me, since you yelled my name and spoke it many times" I felt the stab on my heart. No, be strong Bella. You have to be strong.

"I guess I was just scared you would bite my head off if I didn´t want to be friends" I chuckled

"Be serious Bella" His voice was hard

"It was nothing really" He won´t fall for it, lie, tell him about another nightmare. Yes, this would work! "It was just about that time in Phoenix, when we met James." I heard the low hiss between his teeth. It worked. "Don´t worry about it, I got used to the nightmare routine."

"I´m sorry that still bother you, I wish there was something I could to make it better." He looked at me repentant

"You already did" I smiled, he looked confused so I kept going "You were here and I needed you."

"Perfect timing" He said laughing with a smug expression

"I would call it stalking" I teased and we laughed together.

There was a long minute of silence, this kind of silence between us is an odd thing, not natural at all, I had so many question for him, but how would I start? How not to scare him off? I searched my head for one that didn´t have to do about the time he left me, something new...

"My turn" He looked like pulled him from a trail of thoughts "My blood, It doesn´t bother you anymore?" He thought about it for a second

"Hmm, I guess not in that way, you still are the most delicious thing I ever smelled. It is harder after all this time, but I care about you enough not to kill you."He took a deep breath as he said it and leaned even closer to me, with a heartbreaking smile. I felt smug. This I would always have over any other girl he wants. I let a smile escape my lips

"Is it funny for you?"

"It was just an inside joke" He didn´t love me, this wasn´t funny at all, but at least he cared about me, he wanted to be friends so he must care a bit about me that means the doesn´t hate me as much as I thought. That thought soothed some of my pain

"Mind to share?"

"Actually I do." I trailed off, If I explained this joke to him I would have to explain the dream, and that would just ruin everything.

Before he could push me further into the matter the bell door rang. I hurried up to get it but I tripped. Edward caught me mid air pulling me closer to him. His face was so close to mine I could feel his cold breath brushing my lips, it tingled, he trailed his fingers on my right cheek moving the hair from my face I felt daze from his scent his, eyes were a mix of amusement and desire but before I could do anything stupid he put me back to my feet. I went back to the door, watching my steps not to trip again measuring my breaths to calm myself and make my heart beat in a calm rhythm again.

I was a bit confused about the scene at my door. It was a tall boy, with deep blue eyes and perfect traces holding a huge bouquet of red roses. I thought for a second and remembered Julie, that explain things.

"I´m Sorry but Julie is not here, she left early" Julie was a nice girl. Having admirers was only natural for her.

"No, I´m looking for a Miss Swan" He said in a polite voice, I raised my eyebrows in disbelief, but as he looked at his paper I noticed his deliver uniform.

"It´s me" I said stunned by the surprise.

"Just sign here" I signed a sheet and gave it back to him taking the roses and placing on the kitchen counter. I stared at them for a minute wondering who was the sender and what was the motive.

"I see you still got your charm" His velvet voice came from behind me. I felt the urge to stick my tongue out as if I were 5 again the surprise bothered but the teasing made me wanna yell. But I heard something in his voice I never heard before. What was it?

"Well, I don´t see how that is possible the only guy I know is Mike, and this is not his style, plus he know what would wait for him" I said frowning at the roses. He let out a low chuckle

"Still not a big fan of gifts" He said "But I wonder what would have happened if poor Mike sent you those?"

"Well beat him to death would be an understatement" He laughed at this and recomposed as he saw the confusion burning in my eyes. "Is there a card?"

"Hmm..." I wondered while searching the roses. There was a small white card hidden among the huge roses. I opened. The message made me gasp.

_" These will never be able to match your beauty, but It´s time I let you know that you have and admirer. I wonder if you will go out with me if I tell you my name."_

I dropped the card and grabbed a trash can. I started throwing the roses away whoever did this had the darkest sense of humor, specially to send those while Edward was here, I felt the air escaping my lungs in a sharp exhale.

"What is it?" He asked

"Just a sick joke" I added, he thought about it for a second and looked at the kitchen watch

"It´s a bit late, I should let you sleep" Right... like I would be able to sleep it was 3 AM but I wasn´t tired at all. Maybe I would just spend the rest of the night thinking about how to pull my self out of this mess.

"I guess it is" I added, I needed time alone, as painful as it was to be apart from him, I needed time to organize my thoughts

"Ok, I guess I´ll call you tomorrow to see if there is anything you want to do." I nodded and before I could realize he was gone.

I spent the rest of the night thinking about what I would have to be ready to face, every possibility. Even though he didn´t love me, he still cared for me, I loved him and I could go through anything to make him happy, if this is what he needed I would give it to him no matter the cost to me, at least I would always know that I could make him happy in some way.


	7. Chapter 7

**I´m having a great time writing this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you all for the reviews they help me improve a lot.**

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**Chapter 7**

As the hours drifted and the sun rose up in the sky I was making sense of somethings. Vampires had acquired a terrible sense of humor, first Alice and than Edward with the Mike non sense, second the roses, the secret admirer and the exact moment they were delivered didn´t sound like a coincidence at all and than that tone in Edward's voice, this one I was not able to decipher yet, maybe it was nothing, or just friend concern, maybe he was worried this was a freak chasing girls during the winter break, before I could finish the thought the telephone rang.

"Hello" I felt my voice dragging, I was starting to feel my night of deprived sleep

"Bella, we are going to pick you up in two hours..." Alice said with cheer

"Alice, I don´t think I can go out today, I haven´t sleep at all last night"

"Don´t be silly Bella you can sleep in the car, we have a concert to go."

"Alice..."

"Don´t argue Bella, you will have plenty of time to sleep, good bye now. And try to wear something nice" She hung before I could protest, there was never wining against Alice.

I fixed myself something to eat and headed for the preparations of a torture day. I had no idea what was Alice´s plan, the only thing I knew is that it was a concert. I took a long shower and dried my hair. I went for the closet looking for something nice to wear, I knew Alice´s taste for clothes, but I don´t think I will ever be capable of putting them together as she did. I went for a black long sleeve shirt and a dark pair of jeans. The shirt molded to my body and it had a cleavage, not big enough to make me uncomfortable but not small enough to be something I´d usually wear, the pair of jeans were really tight and the shirt and jeans put on together made all my curves pop out some of them I never noticed, before I could feel embarrassed about it I grabbed a pair of high heel boots and went for the bathroom, I put my hair into a more elaborate pony tail, nothing too much, I hang it up and left a couple of hair locks dropping from the sides.

After I was done with all the getting ready, I turned on the TV and waited till she arrived. Soon enough the door bell rang. I picked up my jacked and hand bag and got the door. Alice´s face light up with a smile so huge I could only imagine was pride, I started moving around her and locked the door.

"I´m impressed" She said jumping around me like a little kid in front of a Christmas gift, I sighed "You really chose something nice. Very good Bella"

"Sure sure" I answered her with a bit of sarcasm

As I moved to the car I saw Edwards face, he looked like he was in stunned his mouth was slightly open as he watched me moving towards the Volvo. Soon enough he stared at Alice and recomposed himself.

"You look good Bella" He said clearly trying to hide something

"Thanks" I mumbled

"Hi Jasper" I raised one hand and waved he just nodded

Alice went in the back seat with me, Edward was driving and Jasper was talking to him about the concert from the passenger sit. Soon enough my sleepless night got to me, I leaned to Alice´s shoulder and slept there. After a short time I felt Alice shaking me slightly.

"Wake up Bella" I stared around for a moment, where was I?

"How long have I been sleeping Alice?" I yawned and stretched, I could feel my muscles complaining about the long hours in the same position

"Enough to enjoy the night" She laughed and pulled me out the car "Come now, I don´t want to miss anything"

As soon as I was out of the car Alice danced to Jasper´s side and start moving towards a big door. There were two huge guys standing in front of it with shirts the clearly announced that they were part of the security crew. Alice handed our tickets to one of them and stretched her arm so he could put a orange bracer on her, we all did the same things and got in to what looked like a VIP Section. From this place we had a clear view of the stage, we were a little above the crowd, I could notice that there was some other people in the same balcony as us waiting for the concert to start. I went to one of the chairs trying to shake the sleep off of me.

"Would you like to drink something?" Edward lowered his face to level mine

"Just give me a second and I´ll grab something from the bar"

"I´ll get if for you, I don´t want a sleep walker getting lost" He laughed "What do you want?"

"I´ll start with a water please" He jumped fast and start moving towards the bar, soon enough he had my drink back.

"Thanks" I took a few sips of the water and leaned back in my chair. I needed a bathroom, now that I was almost fully awake I started realizing what a mess I could be.

"I´ll be right back" I said moving from my chair and heading for the little sign with a bathroom symbol on it

"Don´t take too long it´s almost starting"

"Okay"

The bathroom was not big, but it wasn´t small either considering the amount of people it was designated for. I went to the sink and washed my mouth a couple of times and splashed some water on my face. I didn´t look the mess I was expecting so it didn´t take too long. After I finished cleaning up I moved back to where I saw Jasper and Alice already dancing to the sound of the band, but before I could recognize what band was playing I saw a tall girl leaning over Edward´s shoulder. I saw her entire body shake with what I could only imagine was laughter I couldn´t see her right, it was already dark, but what I could see is that he was not protesting. I felt the floor being taken off of me, my hole expanded in my chest and I felt like I would fall to the floor without being able to even move to a more isolated place. No Bella, you knew this could happen, you knew you were not the one he wanted in that way, you have to be strong. Yes, I knew all of that, but this was too soon I didn´t have time to think about it or even to come up with a plan. I held my breath and moved to the bar. I didn´t want to see that, I couldn´t.

"Can I have a beer please?" I asked to the bartender. I wasn´t used to drink beer. Last time I did Julie had to take care of me for the entire night, but again, I had too much beer that night, If I stick to four or five maybe I can just get drunk enough to forget this night.

The hours passed and I didn´t dare to look to where they were again, I could hear screams and a band in the background, but that scene kept on repeating in my mind. Freaking useless beer, by now I lost count on how many of those I had, but I felt my body heavy and it took long to respond to what I wanted and besides, instead of giving me a memory loss I was getting enhanced details. I couldn´t stay here anymore, I knew I promised but this was too much. I would go to a hotel and go home tomorrow after the hang over was gone. I moved to the door we used to come in, praying that by now a line of cabs were waiting outside, before I could walk half way I stumbled and fell I didn´t feel the ground tho, was I that drunk? That is the good part of drinking.

"You should be more careful" I felt the cold breath on my neck, I knew this smell, I stiffened, now I felt his arms around me. That´s what kept me from feeling the ground.

"Yeah, I know" I sighed releasing his arms from me and moving to the door again.

"Where are you going?" He held my arm before I could take a step, damn vampires.

"To a hotel. Too drunk" The music was so loud I couldn´t even hear myself

"And since when you drink?" He moved me closer to him putting his mouth close to my ear, my back was pressed to a wall, there was no dodging him now.

"Well, you missed four years remember? There is a lot I do now that you don´t know" Crap, where did that come from, my voice was dragging so much I hope he didn´t understand. I couldn´t see his reaction, my head was leaned against the wall, I felt the world spinning fast. I needed to sit down

"At least let me take you"

"I´d hate to ruin your night, I can go by myself" I thought about the girl again, I wanted to scream and run away, but again my body wouldn´t respond

"I promise I won´t bother you, just make sure you get safe" I felt his lips so close to my ears his cold breath tingled "Please?"

"Edward, what are you doing?" I tried to push him away, but he stopped me. Why was he torturing me like that.

"Trying to convince you that it would be safer if you let me go with you, you don´t even know where you are" I felt his cold hand on my neck. He started tracing my collarbone with the tip of his fingers, I was going to loose it, if he kept trying to convince me like that, I had no responsibility for my actions.

"Fine, but I´ll just wait for Alice, I don´t want to be a burden" I pushed him and started moving to a chair near Alice and Jasper. He didn´t come for me again, maybe he understood that this was hard for me, even I could sense the pain in my voice, it was hard to control these kind of emotions when I was drunk.

I sat down waiting for the concert to finish, but I fell asleep again. It was all silent now and I felt like flying, Alice, I thought to myself. I couldn´t open my eyes, but I knew he wouldn´t dare to do this to me, not after seeing my pain.

"I´m sorry Alice, I didn´t want to ruin this for you." She didn´t respond. I heard a door opening and moving me inside the room. I finally could open my eyes, but the room was so bright that it caused me pain. "Please leave it off, I think the hang over came sooner". Again no words. Alice must be really upset.

"I´m really really sorry Alice, it´s just that your brother... I think I still" I stopped there, I didn´t want to continue. I sat on the bed and removed my boots. I walked to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, these clothes were too uncomfortable so I removed them and left them on the floor bathroom and decided to sleep just in my underwear, Alice wouldn´t mind plus if I bent down to get them I knew I wouldn´t come back. I moved back into the dark bedroom and aimed for the bed, I heard a low gasp and something cracking.

"Gee, Alice, I said I was sorry, I will make it up for you I promise" Soon enough I was in a huge bed, this was all I needed now. Sleep. I heard the door again, Alice had left.

I had to thank the beer for the dreamless night. But before I was fully awake I already felt all the effects of my careless drinking.

"Good Morning" Alice chanted from my side.

"Hi Alice" I looked arround the bedroom and sat up on my bad. I saw a cracked chair in the corner. Alice must have been really pissed.

"The concert yesterday was so amazing don´t you think?" She asked pulling some clothes off a bag.

"Yes, I´m sorry for making you leave early, but you didn´t have to break the chair Alice." I closed my eyes and braced my legs. Crap, this is why I don´t drink. My head was about to explode, but I didn´t get a response from Alice, so I just looked at her, she looked confuse.

"What are you talking about Bella, you left with Edward last night" She moved back to her bag I saw a hint of a smile escape her lips. I felt my body stiffen, waves of cold shiver running up my spine.

"Ed..Edward?" She nodded. Great! This was just great. I felt my stomach protesting so I made my run for the toilet. My body went through convulsions while expelling anything that was making me feel bad. I laid on the cold floor thinking about everything I could have said.

"Are you okay Bella?" Alice came to the bathroom to check on me. She saw me stretched on the floor with just underwear she laughed "That sure explain the chair"

"Alice!" Did I say anything compromising? No, I don't think so, I remember almost saying it, but I stopped before I could. This was going to be weird.

"Aw come on Bella, you have the perfect excuse to be confused. You were drunk" She helped me up

"Yeah I know" I mumbled

"Come we have to leave soon" she handed me a couple of pills and turned on the shower."Take those and take a shower we will be waiting for you at the reception, I left you clean clothes on you bed." I nodded swallowing the pills. I undressed and took a long shower trying to ignore whatever it was I said last night, I would do just like Alice said, pretend I had memory lost caused by my drinking.

I put on the clothes and the boots, Alice had already taken the ones I used yesterday. I moved out of the bedroom and closed the door behind me. As I got closer to the elevators I could feel the anxiety, I took deep breaths. Memory loss, memory loss, I kept reminding myself that until I got to the reception. I looked for Edward and met his gaze, he looked embarrassed, if he could I´m sure he would blush. I shook my head trying to get rid of the memories.

"So Alice, what´s the plan?" I asked

"We are going to shop!" She clapped her hands I groaned, and felt Jasper and Edward had the same reaction "Fine you don´t have to come with me, but you..." She grabbed Jasper´s arm and started moving away she gave Edward an amused look and disappeared on the front door.

I peaked from my peripheral vision, there it was again, the embarrassed look. With Alice gone, I was stuck with him, he didn´t look comfortable, so.. he didn´t want to be with me..., maybe he had other plans, plans that involved another girl...


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you for the reviews and I´m really sorry it took me so long to update, life´s been crazy right now but I´ll try to keep up at least one chapter per week.**

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**Chapter 8**

We were both sitting at the reception waiting either for someone to break the silence or for Alice to finish her shopping way earlier, tho we both knew the last one was not possible. I was twitching my fingers, trying to figure out a way to escape the situation.

"Bella, is there anything you want to do?" Edward asked picking my hands, I stopped playing with my fingers and laid my hands on my knees

"Ahm, not really? How about you?" He thought for a second and stood up "Maybe we should get you something to eat" I nodded

We walked in silence to the Hotel Restaurant, I could see words trying to form on his lips but never coming out, I didn´t push him. I picked some fruits and went for a small table in the corner of the big room. Edward sit in front of me while I ate my breakfast, I tried not to look at him but it was almost impossible not to pick his face, he was staring me, looking deep into my eyes, I blushed.

"I missed that" He said laughing.

I didn´t say anything I had so many questions that needed an answer but for the first time I didn´t feel comfortable enough around him to ask them. Who was that girl? What does she mean to him? Those are questions I better keep to myself, at least untill I try to figure out what to do or at least how to forget him...

"May I ask you something?" He asked while I played with my food

"Sure" I dropped my fork to pay attention to his questioning

"Why were you drinking last night?" I could feel the wave of shock running up my spine

"Well... I like beer and since it was a special occasion. Why not?" I looked at him and gave him a hint of a smile, I hope he didn´t see right through it, the effort behind the smile, the effort to keep my tears to myself.

"You know, this editing drives me insane" He turned to face the wall avoiding me.

"Again, you don´t want to know everything I have on my mind"

"You are wrong you know?" He turned his head to meet my gaze, his scorching golden eyes burned into mine and that crooked smile that i loved, this would always be too much I felt my entire body melt but before this could lead me into trouble I saw his jaw clenching and his body stiffened switching to a complete formal position.

"There you are!" A sweet angel like female voice came from behind me.

"Good morning Tania" He said in a composed face I couldn´t read. The liquid gold eyes were now hard, no trace of the Edward that was here 10 seconds ago. "Tania this is Bella, Bella this is Tania"

"Nice to meet you Bella" She spoke in a polite tone but I sensed a bit of resent on it, I recognized the golden eyes, pale skin and inhuman beauty. She had long strawberry blond hair falling down her collar bones. So this is the girl i´m loosing him to. There is no hope, no competition.

"Hello Tania" I gave her a polite smile and nodded towards her.

Before anything else could be said she threw both of her arms arround Edward's neck and kissed him on the cheek. I turned and faced my food, this was something I didn´t have to watch.

"So Edward, what are we doing today?" She asked sitting on a chair besides him.

"I´m not sure Tania. Is there something you wish to do?"

"I don´t know, maybe just walk around and know the town. Nothing we do will overcome last night anyway" Ok I didn´t need the details on this. I had to leave and I had to leave now.

"Ahm, if you don´t mind, I´m going back to my bedroom, I still have a bit hang over. Enjoy your day and nice to meet you Tania." I got up as fast as I spoke the words and darted to the elevator, before I could get to the door I already felt the tears rolling down my face giving away all the pain that this small chat caused me.

"Bella" I heard his voice calling me, I smashed the buttons to make the elevator get here faster but I knew I was trapped. I swallow down my cry and wiped the tears off my face.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay? Do you want me to get you to a doctor?" He pulled my chin up searching my face and I could see the despair spreading in his.

"I´m fine, I just need some more sleep" I escaped from his hold and faced the ground

"Please Bella don´t lie to me" he pleaded

"I am not. A bit sensitive to light that´s all. Don´t let me ruin your day. I´ll be fine." The doors opened and I got in, he didn´t say a word.

I got myself to the hotel reception, a slender women with beautiful bronze skin helped me checking out, calling for a cab and making a ticket reservation for the next flight back. I made sure to leave a note for Alice, even though I knew with her visions, this wouldn´t be necessary, but I needed time for myself and most of all I need distance from Edward. Even knowing I promised to be friends and that I was aware that he would sooner or later find someone else this happened a bit too early.

Thinking about every moment we shared and what his depart caused me four years ago made the flight back home shorter. The entire view was covered with ice, everything seemed like frozen in time, I felt I was frozen in time, that these four years didn´t make me forget or stop loving him, instead seeing him after this long reassured me that he was the one I would want and love forever, no matter if he loved me back.

I trailed in and out everything that happened in this trip and tried to make sense of every reaction he had since he was back in my life, but this was a different Edward, this looked the Edward that tried to warn me he was too dangerous for me, long before I knew about his secret life. The Edward that would keep his thoughts for himself, so different from my Edward, maybe because he was not my Edward anymore, he was Tania´s now.


	9. Chapter 9

**I´m really sorry about the time it took me to update a new chapter, with a new baby home it´s hard to keep the rhythm up.**

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**Chapter 9**

EPOV

I was still thinking about Bella´s expression while having that nightmare, I knew she had vivid dreams but to see her in so much pain felt like I was being mutilated, I couldn´t stop thinking what could have happened in Forks with Victoria and Laurent that would still cause her nightmares, maybe we all coming into her life again is bringing back memories. And why was she calling my name? I was not there for her at the time and if it was not for the wolves…. I was interrupted by Alice´s loud thoughts.

"_SHE IS PERFECT!" _Alice started thinking on how much effort Bella had put into choosing that particular outfit, according to Alice, Bella lacked taste for clothing.

I finally looked at her. I already knew she was perfect, I would never be able to forget any of her features, but this Bella looked different, she always had that adult look that did not match her age, I knew she had changed a lot but now her body was changed. The dark outfit enhanced her creamy skin and as she walked towards us I could clearly see the difference between this Bella and the Bella I used to hold in my arms. I had to fight the urge to run to and tell her I didn´t want her to have a happy human life with Mike or with anyone but me.

"_She looks delicious right Edward?"_ Alice thought giggling pulling me back from my thoughts

"You look good Bella" I said trying to hide all the jealous, envy and regret that I had inside me at that moment.

"Thanks" She said dragging her voice, it was clear she was tired. I kept her from her rest and Alice was now dragging her to a concert. What was I thinking, I should have stopped Alice, but the idea of spending every second I could with her was too irresistible.

"Hi Jasper" She waved at Jasper and he responded with a nod

"_Are you okay Edward?"_ He asked feeling the tornado of emotions, I just nodded in response.

Jasper started commenting on the concert we were about to attend but he was holding a silent conversation with me.

"_You still love her"_ he affirmed, I just nodded

"_So why not tell her and finish this torment? Oh__,__ her human life right?"_ I could see a hint of a smile on his lips, what was this? He thought this was funny? I could see from the rear view mirror Bella was asleep on Alice´s shoulder.

"Yes, this is about her life. She is finally getting what I wished so much for her" I said in a low voice I didn´t want to disturb her

"Well, you are wrong Edward" Alice joined us

"What do you mean?" I hissed

"She is not with Mike" Alice said with a wide smile on her face and I could feel the same smile spreading on mine, I had to control this hope that filled my body, even if she was not with that boy I was the one who had caused her so much pain and I was not sure if she had forgiven me at all. She fought the idea of being friends so hard, I imagine her reaction if I told her I regretted my decision and wanted her back now.

"This doesn´t change things. She looks perfectly fine without me. I knew this could happen the moment I left her…"

"Don´t be stupid Edward, she loves you, can´t you see?" Alice raised her voice and Bella mumbled something.

"Enough Alice" I growled

The rest of the travel was a silent. I was constantly watching Bella through the mirror wishing I was the one to comfort her in her sleep. At least my torture was at ease now, knowing that she could still be my Bella, just the thought of her being held by arms other than mine made my entire body burn with jealousy and even knowing this was the path I chose I could not endure it. Four years seemed an eternity, I was more like a zombie than a vampire, but now with the possibility of having my angel back made my previous reasons for leaving her seem meaningless.

I wanted her to have a normal human life, to experiment everything she should, but I also wanted her more than I ever wanted anything. I could give her something close to a human life, I knew now the monster inside me would never be able to overcome my love for her, it doesn't matter how tasty she looks or how amazing she smells, the thirst would never be able to overcome the joy I feel when I hear my name coming out of her lips or the electric current that runs through my veins when I feel her warm touch.

We soon arrived at our destination. Alice shook her ever so slightly.

"Wake up Bella" She looked around a bit confused trying to figure where she was.

"How long have I been sleeping Alice?"

"Enough to enjoy the night" Alice laughed pulling her out of the car. "Come now, I don´t want to miss anything"

We passed through the security handling our tickets and receiving bracelets to identify our section. I could hear the thoughts surrounding Bella coming from one of the crew members and I felt like smashing his face on the wall. But before I could do anything stupid I saw Bella sitting on a chair, she still looked a bit sleepy maybe a drink would help her wake up. I moved to her chair and lowered to face her.

"Would you like to drink something?"

"Just give me a second and I´ll grab something from the bar" She was absurd. Was she never going to learn that even a vampire I was still a gentleman?

"I´ll get if for you, I don´t want a sleep walker getting lost. What do you want?"

"I´ll start with water please" I moved fast towards the bar and came back with her drink.

"Thanks" she took a few sips of water and sudden realization came to her. "I´ll be right back" she said moving from me and heading for a toilet.

"Don´t take too long it´s almost starting"

"Okay"

As soon as Bella left my entire body stiffened, I had forgotten about Tania this was one of her favorite bands so I was pretty sure she was going to be here. She spotted Jasper and Alice first, I gave my back to her trying to hide though I knew this was an impossible task. I felt her leaning over my shoulder.

"Hello Tania" I said in a polite tone

"It is impossible to surprise you isn´t it?" She laughed I smiled

"I didn´t know you liked this kind of music Edward"

"Well, Alice needed a driver, and you know how terrible she can be when she doesn´t get things her way" I swiftly moved to face her and put some space between us. I didn´t want to spend my night with her, I wanted Bella.

"The show already started Tania, I don´t want you to miss one of your favorite bands" I tried to be as polite as I could but she I could hear in her thoughts she resented me for all the times I said no to her.

"You are right. Well enjoy the show." She parted without saying anything else.

I scanned the place quickly trying to spot Bella but she was nowhere in sight, she usually took a bit longer on her human minutes.

Two or three songs passed and there was still no sign of my angel so I started looking for her. She was not hard to find, she was sitting at the bar drinking beer, she had changed, a lot. I felt unease to this new information about her, what else had changed? Her feelings? I didn´t want those to change, I wanted her to love me like she did. But again I was the one who said that the beauty in being human is that things change. Maybe she had forgotten me. Accessing this I didn´t dare to approach her.

The hours passed and she didn´t even moved, she looked completely focused on her drink she pondered something, got up and started moving. Was she ok? Did she need to throw up? Took me a second to realize she was heading for the exit. I moved to her as fast as I could and as soon as I was one foot from her she tripped but I managed to catch her. This was the Bella I knew.

"You should be more careful" I felt her body stiffening

"Yeah, I know" She sighed pushing my arms away and heading for the exit again, but before she could take a step I held her arm.

"Where are you going?"

"To a hotel. Too drunk"

"And since when you drink?" The music was loud so I moved her closer to me. I pressed her back against a wall, this would avoid her dodging and trying to go out drunk in a city she barely knows. She was a magnet problem and I was not willing to risk it.

"Well, you missed four years remember? There is a lot I do now that you don´t know" that stung, so she still resented me.

"At least let me take you"

"I´d hate to ruin your night, I can go by myself" Silly Bella, my night would only be ruined by being apart from you.

"I promise I won´t bother you, just make sure you get safe" I moved closer to her ears and whispered "Please?"

"Edward, what are you doing?" I felt her breath on my cheek

"Trying to convince you that it would be safer if you let me go with you, you don´t even know where you are" I didn´t fight the urge to feel her warm skin and traced her collarbone with my fingertips I felt the electricity running through my body, I couldn't resist her, I didn't want to.

"Fine, but I´ll just wait for Alice, I don´t want to be a burden" She pushed me and got a chair near Alice and Jasper, so she didn´t want me. Four years ago she was the one willing to take any risk to be with me, but now she wouldn´t trust me for a simple ride.

I kept thinking about all the things I missed in these four years, all the things that changed her, how she was able to get over this, get over me. I realized that every second I was apart from her a part of me died. For the second time I felt like my heart was being ripped off my chest. When I had the courage to look at her again she was sleeping, she looked uncomfortable.

"Maybe you should take her back to the hotel" Alice said, I just nodded

I held her up trying not to disturb her sleep. We got to the hotel I got our keys at the reception and took Bella to her room, when we were at the door she woke up. Her voice was dragging.

"I´m sorry Alice, I didn´t want to ruin this for you." It seems she was completely over me she didn´t even recognize my smell or my touch. I was in so much pain I didn´t respond, I turned the lights on and started moving her to the bed

"Please leave it off, I think the hang over came sooner"

"I´m really really sorry Alice, it´s just that your brother... I think I still" She still hates me? Still can´t forgive me? Still what? I couldn´t decide if she was calling me Alice because she was upset or because she was drunk, so I kept silent. If she was upset I didn´t want her even more angry for being the one who brought her. She sat on the bed and removed her boots and then she started moving to the bathroom, I would wait till she was safe in bed. When she came back she had no clothes on, she was just in her underwear, was she trying to kill me? I let out a low gasp and without noticing I cracked a chair.

"Geez, Alice, I said I was sorry, I will make it up for you I promise" As soon as she was in bed I darted out the room. Even not knowing it was me she liked to torture me. Was this an unconscious payback for leaving her? I struggled not to go back in that room and beg her for forgiveness.

This night seemed longer than the other nights I knew she had all reasons to be upset with me but she did accept to be friends. Maybe she was doing it just to make me feel better, that would be only natural, in the end there must be something I still knew about Bella, the urge to make everyone around her happy, even if that meant that she was in suffering.

If I was right and she still had that in her maybe the idea of trying to get closer to her, even as a friend was only cause her to suffer more. But now that I had her so close again would I be able to leave her? Knowing that she could get hurt at any second or that she could fall in love by someone else other than me. Maybe if I pretend to leave and watch from a safe distance to prevent anything or anyone to harm her… No, this was not right no matter how much I wanted her I had to remind myself every second that I was the one that caused this.

I let my thoughts drag into the night and soon enough it was morning. Alice had planned a big shopping day but I was willing to stay at the hotel. I went to my room and changed clothes and went back to the reception. Alice and Jasper were already there waiting.

"So, did you tell her?" Alice chanted with a malefic smile

"Told her what Alice?"

"Well, Edward, Told her that you still love her" She smiled again

"You would know" I responded with sarcasm I could see a hint of annoyance in her look.

Before the conversation could go on I saw Bella heading to our direction the memory of last night soon flooded my mind and I couldn´t help but to feel embarrassed.

"So Alice, what´s the plan?" She asked, I could see she was having a bit of hang over due to last night´s drinking.

"We are going to shop!" She clapped her hands Bella groaned, I felt smug for knowing she still hated shopping but I put on a grimace "Fine you don´t have to come with me, but you..." She grabbed Jasper´s arm and started moving away.

"_You should tell her"_ Alice thought with an amused look.

I caught her peaking at me and I felt embarrassed once again. I had to put a plan in action but I was still to decide if I wanted to confess myself to her and expect her to forgive me and take me back or to leave her once again and take care of her from a safe distance….


	10. Chapter 10

**I´m sorry it´s taking forever to update. My baby just went through a surgery and it´s been hard to manage time so I´m only writing when the baby is sleeping. I hope you enjoy it and please review.**

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**Chapter 10**

It has been a few weeks since I last saw him. Julie was back and happy to see I was not alone during her time off, Alice has kept me company since they were back in my life, but I wouldn´t dare ask Alice about him, specially because we were just friends and I´m not supposed to expect him to visit me as often as he did in Forks, but the truth was I didn´t want to know.

"Bella? Are you paying attention to what I´m saying?" Alice seemed a bit annoyed by my distraction

"I´m sorry Alice, please go on"

"What´s wrong Bella?" She asked. I turned to the car window trying to hide whatever emotion was on my face now.

"Nothing really Alice, just a bit distracted" I knew I couldn´t fool her, but she let it go.

She drove fast through the landscape, I haven't visited the Cullens since I've known they were so close to me, I felt a point of anguish mixed with despair, I was not sure what to expect, especially because I had no news about him. With Alice in my life now everyday seemed a bit easier to think about him, to speak his name and even to dream about him.

Soon enough we arrived at the Cullen mansion. I spent a minute staring and I realized I felt frozen in time, the house was not the same it was back in Forks but the resemblance was great, they didn't change their taste. The memories started flashing in my mind, ever since I allowed myself to think freely about Edward the memories were involuntary and I couldn't control them anymore, so I just started to let them flood my mind and enjoy the happy times I had with them.

Alice had planned a big pajama party and the boys were supposed to be on a hunting trip, that meant being around Rosalie for an entire night, no escaping now. Alice took the bags out of the trunk and headed for the door, I went after her but I could feel butterflies forming in my stomach, I was already expecting romance movies and playing along with Alice as her Barbie doll.

"Since you were not paying attention to me I´ll have to explain it all over again"

"Ok, I´m all ears" I smiled with sarcasm

"First we have to make you relax with a nice bath, followed by a facial treatment and a massage. After that we are going to get your nails done, put on a nice make up and get you dressed for the party." She clapped her hands in excitement

"Fine Al… PARTY? I though you said this was a girl´s night, you know, movies and girly talk" I protested

"Don´t start! Everyone is going to be there, I wouldn't want you to miss the last masquerade ball this decade, it's something really special!"

"You of all people should know how much I hate this kind of events" I grimaced

"Come on Bella, it has been years since you have attended anything near to a party, not that a prom could actually match this." She begged with her eyes

"First of all, I was tricked into that one and second…" I stopped there trying to look for an excuse that would convince her. If I told her I didn´t want to go she would drag me anyway.

"You don´t have an excuse do you? Please Bella, I promise you will have fun. It´s not something you can say I just don´t want to go"

"Alright, but I'm not staying for too long, I have a test on Monday" I agreed in defeat.

As we walked inside I noticed in shock that Alice had setup a SPA in their living room. Esme was already expecting me with her arms wide open for a hug. I hugged her tight, I missed her she was like a second mother to me. While Esme asked the usual questions about my life Alice dragged me to a huge bathtub, the water was in a nice temperature and the bubbles helped me relax, in the end I guess I really needed that. After the bath Alice started on my facial treatment, it was so easy to forget that this was to be followed by a session of torture, even Rosalie was being nice to me, I guess they must really love masquerade balls. Rosalie did my nails and when she was done Esme started on my massage. Soon enough it was time for my torture, the make up! Alice used so many products that I had lost count by the fifth minute and Rosalie worked on my hair following Alice´s instructions. When they were done I started moving to a mirror to see what Alice had done to my face but I was stopped by Alice.

"You only get to see the master piece when it's done" They both laughed

"Here it is" Esme walked in with a huge English renaissance style dress

"Come! Let´s get you ready" Alice bounced

The dress was almost blood red and made of velvet, the cleavage was square and molded my neck line, the sleeves were tight to my arms until they reached the elbow line and then they opened up like bells. The back of the dress was tied with a golden stripe, the lower part of the dress was composed by two skirts, the over skirt was blood red as the dress and the underskirt was black and heavily beaded with water pearls.

"Ok, you can look now" Alice chanted turning me to face the mirror

"Wow" That was the only way I could describe Alice´s master piece. She made a really dark make up that put my eyes in evidence, my skin was a in a cream color and a tone of peach enhanced my cheeks, my lips for once didn´t seem out of proportion and had a hitch of pink to it, my hair was in a updo style with hair locks dropping here and there, there were also small pearls set up randomly on it.

"So, do you love it?" She asked with a smug smile on her face as she analyzed my reaction.

"Yes! It's amazing" And it really was I couldn't disagree with her on this one.

Esme, Alice and Rosalie started working on each other, of course they didn´t took as long to get ready as I did they were all perfect, there was no need for tons of make up and hair fixing. All the dresses had the same style. Esme was wearing a cream and golden dress, Alice´s was made of black and green velvet and Rosalie´s were gold and light blue. They have arranged a limo to pick us up and drive us, before we left the house Alice handed me a half face Venetian carnival mask, it had white as a background with red, pink and copper details.

Took us about forty minutes to get to our destination, at first I thought we were lost but before I could comment on that you could see a huge mansion far way in the horizon. As the car entered the property you could notice that all the trees were decorated with lights and that the path that leaded to the mansion had white silk ribbons with an arrangement of roses. As soon as we stepped out of the car I felt in an entire different reality, to be more accurate it didn´t feel reality at all. The entrance was heavily decorated with flowers and crystals and as we walked in there was a hall with mirrors covering both walls and a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The main ballroom was incredible the ceiling was arched with three huge chandeliers hanging on top of the dance floor. Both sides of the room had a set of six arched windows from the ceiling to the floor. There were red burgundy drapes complementing their golden frames. The room was in half light with strategic spotlights enhancing the flower decoration. Around the dance floor there were round tables with black towels the table centers were made of roses and crystals. We headed to what I could only assume was our table but it shocked me to see four men figure in black tuxedo and masks were already sitting there, it was obvious who they were, no need to ask. I guess the girl's night was just a lure, a poor one but I fell for it. As soon as I saw them I couldn't appreciate the place anymore because I knew what to expect, the only thing I could look for was an emergency exit, but the only door I found besides the one we just came from was one that leaded to a garden, there is no escape. Alice danced to Jasper´s side. Carlisle had his hand out and Esme reached him and Rosalie glided to Emmet´s bear hug.

"Bella" Even though he was wearing a mask it was easy to recognize Edward´s velvet voice. He pulled a chair out for me and I willingly sat beside him

"Hi" Was the only thing I could manage to say. Every time I saw him he looked even more perfect, even more irresistible

"You look beautiful" He said staring into my eyes. I dropped my head and as usual I felt the redness on my cheeks

"Thanks, Alice´s work" I said staring my hands

"Indeed a master piece" He chuckled "So, how have you been these past weeks?" He said with no actual curiosity in his tone

"Good. Alice took me as a science project to test all her fashion experiments" As I spoke the words a waiter passed through our table with crystal glasses filled with white wine. Before I could decide if I would have one Edward had already set a glass in front of me. I stared in confusion, when did he get it?

"You don´t like wine? I can try to get you a beer but I doubt they are serving it" He grinned

"Wine is fine" I took a sip out of the glass. I was not used to wine, and it felt a bit heavier on the alcohol than beer. I would have to work on it, I didn´t want to get drunk again the last time was embarrassing. I blushed at the memory. "And what have you done?" I asked

"Nothing special" He smiled. That smile was not convincing, it was the kind of smile people give when they are up to something.

"Right" I said

There was a waltz playing on the background and when I looked around everyone was gone. As I watched the Cullen family floating through the dance floor I remembered the last time I danced, memories of the prom flooded my mind, and I was actually enjoying them. Those were happy memories even dancing fitted that memory perfectly. That night I couldn't ask for anything else because there was nothing else that could make it perfect I let myself go of the reality and sunk into the memory. After a few minutes I was back with a vision that seemed even more perfect that the memory. Edward was standing in front of me with his hand out.

"Will you join me?" He asked. My heartbeats halted for a second, I felt seventeen again with butterflies in my stomach. I wanted to give in even knowing I am a terrible dancer but I could not. If I gave in to this what else would I want? What if I couldn't control myself and scare him off.

"You know I´m a terrible dancer"

"I already told you, it´s all on the lead" He reached for me

"I´m sorry. Not tonight" I stood up and headed for the garden, on my way I grabbed another glass of wine I didn´t look back, I knew the second I turned I would regret my decision.

The garden was all lit up and there was a fountain right in the middle of it. I didn´t care enough to appreciate the garden, all I needed was peace. I found a bench and sat removing my mask. I must have been insane turning him down like that. A few months ago I would do anything he asked me, but things were different now. Back then I believed he could love me, that I could be the right person for him but now there was not even a thread of hope to hang on to. Why would I give into something that had no possibilities? I reached my glass for another sip only to notice it was empty. I let out a frustrated breath.

"You are supposed to be wearing your mask" A tall muscular men said

I nodded reaching out for the mask, but he stopped me.

"You don´t have to" He smiled

"Thanks" I rested my head on the back of the bench

"I noticed your glass is empty so I thought about bringing you a refill" He laughed handing me a full glass of wine

"Thanks" I reached for the wine

"I know it's none of my business, but may I ask why you are alone here while there is an incredible dance in there?" He questioned me

"Just needed some fresh air" I said

"I´m sorry but you are a terrible liar" He was right, this was none of his business

"I don´t feel like sharing my reasons with someone I barely know" I pointed

"True. Again, none of my business, but I bet your date is disappointed." Right again

"No date" I said. He was quiet for a few moments so I looked up to see if he was gone. He looked confused almost like he was considering a million possibilities for my answer at the same time.

"Friends" I added hoping to pull his out of his thoughts before his brain melted

"I see. If that is the case do you mind if I make you company?" What an inconvenient guy, this glass of wine was costing me more than I was willing to give. I just wanted to be alone

"I don´t want to be rude or anything and I appreciate the wine but I just want to be alone right now"

"Another time maybe?" He asked

"Maybe" I answered finishing the glass fast to dart out of there. I got up and headed for the door

"Won´t you at least tell me?" He inquired

"Tell you what?"

"Your name" He smiled

"Bella" I answered, he moved to my side and took my hand

"It was a pleasure to meet you Bella" He kissed my hand barely touching it with his lips

"Won´t you tell me yours?" I asked

"Maybe on another opportunity" He answered with his lips still close to my skin. He stood and headed to the ballroom.

Seconds after he left I felt my knees getting weaker and breathing was hard, I had to sit, if I tried to go back inside I was sure I would fall before I was half way so I decided to go back to the bench. I sat and once again rested my head on the back of the bench, as my breath recovered its normal rhythm I started to think about what just happened. I´ve had experienced these symptoms, they used to appear when Edward kissed me but even if it looked like the same it was totally different, especially because I didn't have feelings for this guy. I waited until I was fully recovered, put my mask back on and headed in. As soon as I reached the table we were at I had to sit once again, I felt tired and my body seemed to weight twice its normal, it was probably the wine kicking in, soon enough I started to feel light headed as if I had too much wine, but I was pretty sure three glasses of wine wouldn´t affect me like this. I needed to get home, I was not feeling well, but ruining their night was not on my plans. I even considered calling for a cab but before I could put that plan in action I realized I had no idea where I was.

Every minute that passed I felt worse, it was getting hard to form cohesive thoughts and my body felt heavier. My heart was beating a lot faster than its usual, like if I had gone through a battery of exercises, I focused trying to make my heart come back to its usual rhythm without much success. Controlling my body was an impossible task and the only thing I could poorly do was endure it. I was so concentrated I didn´t notice Edward approaching.

"Is everything okay Bella?" It was hard but I managed to look up, I could see concern on his face.

"A bit out of breath but it will pass soon" I forced myself to smile and calm him but it didn´t work. Before I could protest he had removed my mask and was analyzing my face.

"You are pale. Don´t move, I´ll get Carlisle" He turned his back to me and started heading to Carlisle´s direction.

"Please don´t" I pleaded

"Why not, you are not feeling well Bella"

"Please Edward. I don´t want to ruin this night for them." It seemed every time they were having fun I was there to ruin it. With all my human fragility.

"But Bella…"

"Please." I held his hand to stop him in case he would try to go against my wish.

"Let me take you home at least. You should rest." Before I could answer I was already in his arms, it was hard to be bothered by my state when I was in his arms.

I didn´t dare to protest or say anything his face was hard, creased with worry. Only after several minutes in the car he spoke again.

"Are you feeling any better?" He didn´t look at me

"Yeah" I lied. I was actually feeling worse.

"How many glasses of wine did you have?" He asked in a reproving tone

"Three"

"Hmm…"

"What?" I sensed mocking

"Only three glasses and you are like that? I guess wine is much stronger than beer" He chuckled

"I don´t think it was… the wi…ne" After that everything seemed a blur. I could hear Edward calling my name but I couldn´t answer, as longer it took for me answer greater was the despair in his voice, and soon enough I couldn´t hear or see anything. It was just darkness.


	11. Chapter 11

**Yes yes, I know it took me a long time to update, I´m really sorry. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

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**Chapter 11**

Except from my heartbeats and my breathing there was complete silence. I had no idea where I was but the distinct and familiar smell pointed to a hospital. Forming cohesive thoughts was easier but the control over my body was not restored and resting was the best option.

"How long Carlisle?" I heard Edward asking on my few seconds back, but I was so tired I slept once again.

I felt a cold hand into mine and I wondered who that was, this time it was easier to stay awake. _How long have I been out_ I thought to myself

"Bella?" He asked but I still couldn´t find the strength to answer or open my eyes.

"Please wake up." He pleaded and squeezed my hand into his.

_I am awake!_ I wish I could answer, he sounded in agony, I put all effort I had to try at least opening my eyes but I couldn´t, all I could do was lay there. It was hard to make sense of time I was not aware how long have I been out, maybe some hours at maximum half a day. After few moments trying to figuring it out I heard the door opening.

"How is she son?" I heard Carlisle

"Not a change" He answered in a grave tone

"You should rest Edward, Alice can keep her company"

"I don´t want to leave her Carlisle and you know we don´t need to rest"

"I will be fine" He answered a silent question.

I was finally able to open my eyes. _What time is it?_ It must be night all lights are on.

"Bella?" He squeezed my hand.

"Hi" I smiled. I could see his entire body relaxing while he exhaled a long breath.

"How are you feeling?" He asked laying his cold hand on my forehead.

"A bit sleepy but I´m ok." He analyzed my face for half a second confirming my statement and gave me a relieved smile.

As I studied his face I could see how dark his eyes were the black deep circles under them pointed he was there for days rather than hours as I was thinking. He had fresh clothes on but it was clear he didn´t hunt for a while.

"How long have you been here?" I asked

"I never left this room." He smiled

"Okay, but how long have I been out. I mean I thought it would be few hours maybe a day but…" He interrupted me before I could go on he already got my point.

"About… four days" He pondered

"Wow, that´s a lot more than what I had in mind."

"I was starting to wonder if I should find you a prince charming to wake you up." He laughed

"Not funny" I turned my head to the other side _I already have my prince charming_

"I see" he said in a grave tone.

"See what Edward?" I turned to look at him

"That you already have your, well you know" He said staring at the ceiling

"How could you know that?" I questioned him. How could he assume that I would have someone other than him.

"Well Bella, you just said it"

"I what?" I gasped for a second I thought I was going to pass out, _how did he…_

"Are you ok?" He rushed to me trying to help.

"I´m just… I didn´t say anything" I stared into his eye. He seemed even more confused than I was.

"I just thought it… How can you? I thought…" _crap_

"Oh!" He gave me a huge smile finally understanding that what he was hearing was my thoughts. He felt so smug I wanted to hit him, but I gave up the idea, I would end up with a broken hand or something.

"No no no no! You stay out of my head!" _This can´t be happening_

"You know it´s not something I can control Bella" There was a lot of humor in him now, and I was not enjoying it. How many times I was thankful he couldn´t get into my head, it´s like a nightmare, There is no way I can keep things from him this way.

"Well, do you best, I don´t know go to Canada or somewhere you can´t listen" I never thought I would tell him to stay away from me, but this, this was something else, something I couldn´t control.

"I won´t. We can´t tell for sure if this is permanent, it´s an unique chance to get a glimpse of your mind" He chuckled

"Stop it, right now! I don´t want you picking my brain. But, what do you mean by not being permanent? Do you think you won´t be able to listen anymore?" This was interesting me, I didn´t want him to be away from me, and if it was not permanent maybe a few weeks could solve it.

"Well I´m not entirely sure, Carlisle think you might have been drugged but we couldn´t find any trace in your system. Maybe it affected your brain in some way so I think when it´s completely off your system you should be back to normal" I felt a bit disappointment in his voice

"I see." I smiled

"I would rather it was permanent" He said

"Well, I don´t. My thoughts are private you know."

"Not anymore" He laughed I groaned.

I didn´t want to think about anything, so I had to find something to distract my mind. I started thinking about tasks to be finished at home or paper dues.

"When can I go back home?" I asked still annoyed about the entire situation

"Carlisle will release you in a bit under one condition" He gave me a crooked smile, I fought not to think about it. _Do the dishes, do the laundry, clean the windows…_

"What is this condition?"

"You must have someone to help you at least for a couple of days, until you are fully recovered"

"I guess Julie can do that"

"Well I had someone else in mind…"

"Alice?"I prompted I didn´t want him eavesdropping. He looked disappointed by my answer, but he was always a gentleman

"Yes, Alice"

"Deal!"

Soon enough Carlisle came to let me out. Edward drove me home and kept me company until Alice arrived.

The next few days were pretty much the same Edward spent the day sitting in a chair laughing every now and then from something I thought. I was getting good at controlling my thoughts when he was around, but when I was asleep it was another story, I was glad Alice was the one spending the night. For days I had the same weird dream. I was trapped in the middle of a crowd and I saw Edward in a distance, I tried to call out and reach for him but I couldn´t move or talk, I tried harder but there was no response from my body, he turned and looked at me with pleading eyes, I wanted to make it okay, to attend his pleading _"Please Bella, don´t go"_. I used all my strength to try to respond, I wouldn´t go, as long as he wanted me I would never go. Without wishing for it my body started responding, but instead of running towards him I turned around. I could hear him yelling, calling out for me but I kept moving and this time I didn´t want to turn, I was moving on for the first time and I didn´t miss him.

The first time I had this dream was the only thing I could think of, I tried to diverge my thoughts somewhere else but it was hard. I had to wait for the few moments I had alone to think about it. What was the meaning of this dream? Did I wish to move on? Was I ready to live a life without him? It was clear he was moving on, he had Tania now, maybe I was supposed to move on, to live a bit and then I remembered, I remembered when he wasn´t there, when he seemed nothing but a distant dream, and the memories hurt. I still loved him and a life without him was near impossible. If I could stay near him, I would, didn't matter if it was friend or mate, as long as I could have a part of him.

The dream kept repeating in my mind, specially the part where I tuned and didn´t look back the part where I wouldn´t missing.

"Hmm. What was that about?" An unexpected voice came from behind me. I felt my heart bouncing inside me with the scare he gave me

"Gah! You should announce when you come in you know?" I reached for my heart trying to keep it inside me.

"I´m sorry I startled you. But what was that? Where are you planning to go?" He asked raising one eyebrow

"Nowhere. Just this weird dream I´ve been having" I pointed

"Tell me?"

"Never" I smiled with sarcasm

"Maybe I´ll just have to sneak in when you are sleeping to know what you are talking about" He laughed

"Well, if that´s the game we are playing, I can simply skip sleeping" He scoffed. He mumbled something unintelligible but let it go. I won this round.

"You know, I´m glad I can hear you" He said no mocking in his tone

"I know you are"

"I mean, at some point I thought I was going insane at the hospital, I could hear you speaking but you were laying there without moving or opening his eyes"

"Funny, I was awake I just couldn´t move. Have you any idea how horrible that is?"

"I can only imagine how that would feel like"  
"Thank you" I said

"For ..?"

"Well, if you weren´t there I can´t even imagine about what could have happened" His fist tightened

"Please Bella let´s not talk about this…"

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?" I asked

"Hm… What are your plans for the weekend?"

"Well I have to go to the library on saturday, I need to do a research."

"Are you sure, you shouldn´t be alone, at least not yet. I can hunt with Emmet on sunday" He was concerned

"The deal was a couple of days, you guys have been watching me for a week now. I´m all better. Besides you should enjoy your weekend." I knew he must have other plans other than watch over me. I bet Tania misses him, but again he must be spending all nights with her after all they don't need sleep.

"I´m not sure about this Bella" I´m sure I could give in, I still have a month to finish it and I was not behind, but the constant watching was driving me insane.

"I´ll be perfectly fine. It´s just a library"

"I´m sure you could find some sort of trouble in a library."

"Ha ha, very funny. I´m going rather you want it or not. You are not in charge of my life"

"You are right." He almost choked to let those words out, but he recomposed in matter of seconds, stood up and left. What have I done, I didn´t mean to say that, it was not supposed to come out that way sure the overprotecting was driving me insane but I didn´t need to be rude. What´s going on with me?

Edward didn´t visit me for the rest of the week, so I figured I might as well just go and do my research, I thought about calling him several times, but I was not sure what to say. I as looking the shelves for several books related to english literature when someone called my name.

"Hello Bella" I turned to see who was it but I didn´t recognize the face. It was a tall muscular men with black hair and deep green eyes. He was gorgeous, his traces were rough and masculine contrasting with the sweetness in his eyes.

"I´m sorry do I know you?" I was stunned

"I hope you enjoyed the roses" He said charmingly approaching me

"What?" I did remember the roses but he was so handsome I was not being able to concentrate or focus, I was dazzled

"The roses I sent you. We also met at the masquerade."

"Oh that, was you."

"Yes, that was me. Haven´t seen you in a while. Is everything ok?" He asked coming even closer

"Yeah, I was a bit sick these last weeks, but there is something, you never told me your name"

"I´m sorry about that, but as promised last time I´m Henry" He took my hand and gently kissed it, I felt sparks running through my body. I wanted to pull my hand, there was something I was forgetting but I couldn´t remember what it was.

"Well Henry, nice meeting you, I´m sorry I can´t stay longer and talk I have a research to do and I´m a bit late." I lied. I was starting to feel almost embarrassed by the way he was looking at me, it was like he saw right through me.

"I completely understand. Good luck with your research, hope we meet again soon"

I waved goodbye and after I left him he was the only thing I could think off, the only face I had in my mind was his.

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**A bit of a turn for our boy Ed isn´t it? I hope to update the next chapter today as well. Have been working hard on the next 3 chapters. Next chapters will probably be in EPOV. Please review it.**

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	12. Chapter 12

**Hope you enjoy this next chapter, and yes my baby is better thanks for asking. Please review and le me know how you are liking it.**

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**Chapter 12**

**EPOV**

"Have you talked to her Alice?" I was desperate for some kind of news I didn´t have the courage to come back after our last talk. And bad enough she was avoiding everyone, including Alice, her best friend.

"No Edward. She won´t return my calls and she made it pretty clear she was busy. What happened? Are you sure you told me everything?"

"Yes. What about Julie?'

"I´m not sure she knows much more than we do Edward. She is concerned as well. She said Bella was acting weird this last week." Alice hung her head.

"What does she mean?"

"She told Julie she met someone, at first Julie told she was floating with happiness but soon she started changing, she said it turned into some kind of obsession. She is getting irritable by the hour, and started to shut Julie off as well. According to her it´s impossible to run a two minute conversation with Bella without upsetting her, she only talks with this guy she said she met, but even Julie never saw him" She met someone… I knew how Bella could be stubborn when she wanted something, but this didn´t sound like my Bella. I was upset by the fact she met someone, but the fact that she was acting like she was out of her mind was more disturbing. I had to put my jealousy aside and deal with it later.

"Do you think I should go see her?" I wondered if there was something I could do about it. I knew one day I was the one to make it better, but now it seemed an impossible task.

"I´m not sure about that. She could be even more upset maybe you could watch her just to make sure everything is all right." Alice was extremely anxious, she wasn´t able to see her anymore, adding that to the fact that we were not desired in her life made Alice suffer.

"_Be careful Edward we don´t know what is going on" _I nodded and darted out the door

As I rushed to her house I thought about this guy she met, it could only be a monster, a monster worse than myself. Even when I had to fight the urge to kill her I tried to make her happy, to protect her. Everything I ever did was to protect her. I could not allow her to be with someone that made her unhappy. Her voice rang in my mind _"You are not in charge of my life" _and I wasn´t, I gave up the right to protest her decisions the moment I left her in the woods. She was completely right, as always. She was not the naive innocent girl I thought she was. She was not the Bella I left behind. That intrigued me even more. She had turned into something different, but deep inside she was still my Bella. I could see that in her warm chocolate eyes and I could assure that from picking her brain, as she called. She was always worried about others, she thought about her mother and father in a lovely way, a Bella way. She thought about Jacob sometimes, I could feel jealous but I could see the bond they had, she missed him. She was still innocent, she still thought about others, how to please everyone, that was her nature, but she had something now I couldn´t explain, it was something that came to her mind frequently, but I never could understand it, she would block me and turn her thoughts to somewhere else before I could even make sense of what it was.

I finally got to her house, I watched from a distance, she was sitting on her bed with her legs up curled in a ball. She didn´t move for several minutes and every second that passed the desire to jump inside her bedroom and put her in my arms grew. She stood up and came to the window, I could see what was wrong, it was clear for me. She had dark circles under her eyes and looked thinner, her warm chocolate eyes seemed blurry now, she was completely oblivious to the world outside. Finally she gave some sign of life. She smiled. It was not comforting to see that smile, it was rather disturbing and then I saw him, climbing up her window.

"Henry" She let out a deep breath

"My sweet Bella" He got in and took her by the hand.

I could feel the rage raising and the jealousy taking over every particle of me. They sat on her bed, I saw him leaning in closer reaching for her lips, I had to fight the urge to jump through her window directly to his neck the monster inside me growled and my vision turned red. I was hoping she would fight him, push him away, instead she threw her arms around him. I had to stop it, I was not able to endure that, Bella calling his name was the proof I needed to know that I couldn´t let her go. I grabbed the first thing my hands reached and threw inside her room. Even though it was dark and I was from a considerate distance he was able to see me, it was unusual for humans to see that far, especially when it was dark, but he saw me, he looked right into my eyes and smiled, a sarcastic smile, almost like a pedant enemy after crushing his adversary.

"I must go Bella it´s getting late. I don´t want to keep you from resting anymore" He gave her a peck on the forehead, I growled  
"Please don´t. Stay, just tonight." She begged

"You know I can´t. I will come back tomorrow." He caressed her cheek and start leaving.

"Henry, don´t. Please. I need you. I need you to stay." She cried her entire body shook. I could see how much she was suffering. It was like he would never come back.

"Good night Bella."He left, not even looking behind, leaving her there suffering. It was a nightmare, watching her, how could she be suffering so much for someone that didn´t even care.

I watched over her the entire night, She walked inside her room from one side to the other, her entire body shook and she sobs took a long time to cease. It was clear her body felt tired and drained but Bella wouldn´t give in to her sleep. I still could hear her thoughts, but nothing came, except for his face, not for a second she thought about how she was tired or that she needed food, just his face. Something had to be done if things kept going this I don´t know what could happen to her. I reached for my phone inside my pocket and called Alice.

"Alice, you need to come, fast!" I rushed the words out

"I´ll be there soon" She turned off, from the sound she was already in her way, her visions were pretty convenient. Soon enough she arrived.

Alice gasped watching Bella in that state. I could see in her eyes the despair and confusion.

"What… What is this Edward? What happened to her?" Alice begged for some kind of explanation.

"I´m not sure Alice. She´s been like that since the moment I got here. The only time she looked a bit like herself was when that monster was here." I could feel the monster growling inside me.

"What is going on Edward?" What do we do?" She pleaded

"I´m not sure. I don´t think it would be the best idea to try to convince her of anything at this point. I need you to watch her. I´ll try to figure something out I need to talk to Carlisle." I didn´t want to go, but I had to, if there was anyone who could make sense of what was happening was Carlisle.

I rushed to the hospital where Carlisle worked. And found him in his room, the minute I got in his room he could see something was utterly wrong.

"_What is it Edward?" _

"It´s Bella, Carlisle. We don´t know what is wrong. She won´t sleep and apparently she is not eating as well. I don´t know what to do." I was desperate

"Have you talked to her?"

"No. I didn´t have the courage, It didn´t seem Bella, and from what Julie said would be impossible to convince her of anything."

"When did it start?" He was now Carlisle the doctor, not the father.

"According to her roommate, about a week." He put his hand under his chin probably one thousand causes crossed his mind.

"I don´t think it´s a disease, Carlisle." I prompted

"Hm?"

"She met a guy." I could see his thoughts wrapping around the idea I was jealous and was ignoring the most obvious.

"It´s not like that! He has some force over her, almost like a magnet. She is completely out of herself when he is not around she won´t sleep even if her body is giving up, I´m almost sure she is not eating as well. I don´t know what to do. I still can her thoughts, but they are not thoughts at all, just the image of his face, she won´t think about anything. There is not a thought about him or anything else, just a picture of his face." I felt defeated, I couldn't form even one idea about what was happening.

"Calm down son, I´m sure we are going to figure a way to help her. I´m going to do some research and I´ll check up on her later in the mean time you should try to reason with her, I´m pretty sure she will listen to you" He patted my shoulder turning me to the door.

He was so sure she would listen to me, I was not. It was hard to see some sign of her beneath all that. I was not even sure she would even let any of us in the door. I was afraid to face the fact that she no longer wanted me, that she no longer loved me. I would just watch from a distance, to see if she would improve and if that wasn´t the case I would intervene. I wondered around thinking about what could be done, when night game I went to her house to replace.

"Is she any better?"

"No, she hasn´t eat at all, she didn´t even move. And she is getting more agitated as the night is falling." She hung her head.

"We will figure this out Alice. Go home." She nodded and left.

I watched her as she was the same from last night. She was curled in a ball waiting, the same she did the day before. She came to the window and waited, waited for long hours, but he never came that night. She cried and it was easy to see she was losing it. I decided it was time for me to do something. I decided I would take the door this time. I rang the bell and waited for an answer but there was none, I tried to sear for Julie´s thoughts but she wasn´t home. I let myself in and head to her bedroom. I knocked twice on the door.

"Henry" She shouted before I could open the door. I could hear the excitement in her voice.

"No, It´s just me." I could see a mix of sock, anger and anguish in her eyes.

"You!" She was mad at me, Why? What was my mistake?

"What have I done?"

"He won´t come! He won´t come because of you!" She shouted, angry tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Bella, I have done nothing to keep him from seeing you."

"You are here. That´s enough reason. He told me you would do that. That you would work your way to keep us apart. That as soon as you saw me with someone that made me happier than you ever did you would find a way to separate us." She fell on the floor, her hands covering her face.

"I´m sorry Bella but you don´t seem happy. Everyone is concerned about you. Look at you, how long have you been depriving yourself from food and sleep? It´s clear you are not well."

"I am fine. I would be fine. If he was here, and he is not. He won´t come because of you." I couldn't understand why I would be the reason for him not to show up.

"Bella please, be reasonable. He won´t come because he doesn´t want to, not because I´m here."

"It´s because of you. He doesn´t like you. He said you make me hurt." I made her hurt? In what way could I make her hurt? She couldn´t possibly be hurting, I never did a thing to hurt her, I only want her to be safe.

"Bella I only want you to be safe. I would never do anything for you to be hurt."

"You left me don't you remember, is your vampire memory failing? You hurt me time and time again."

"Let me explain…." She cut me off.

"No, now you listen, I've held this inside me for long enough, it´s time you learn the truth." She got up and looked deeply inside my eyes, there was pure anger and resentment.

"You´ve left me once, you took every part of me with you I felt broken, dead, alone… And then you come and ask me to be your friend. Do you have any idea how painful it was for me to watch you with Tania? Do you know what is like to know the one thing you love and want the most will never be yours?"

"Bella you are being absurd"

"SHUT UP! I loved you every day since the day you left me. What I had was nothing close to what you call a happy human life. I went through hell Edward. If it wasn´t for Jake I would still be in hell…" She trailed off.

"Please, try to understand I only did that because I didn´t want you to be in danger." I pleaded

"You didn´t want me, you left and never looked behind. I was just another diversion, and when you got tired of me you discarded me, and now, now that I am happy, that I got over you, you want me to leave him and believe in you? That´s ironical isn´t it?" I was lost, what have I done? Why did I have to leave her? I wanted her. From the moment I first saw her again I wanted her.

"Bella, if he was right for you I would step back and Tania are you crazy? She is nothing but a friend. She wishes otherwise but there´s always been just one person."

"Leave, and please don´t come back. I don´t want to see you or talk to you. I don´t need you anymore, I don´t love you anymore" Her eyes hesitated a tiny bit, the blur was gone for a second, but soon enough it was there again. That was what I needed. She was not sure, and as long she was not sure I would fight for her.

"Never, until you are better I will never let go." I darted out the windows.

I was mad, my body was filled with anger. If I wasn't such a coward I wouldn't have left her and this would never happen. I had to find a way to make her see, to understand that he was no good for her. In my mind no one was good for her except me. I knew she loved me that she wanted me, she said that, if she only knew we felt the same way, if I had told her early. I was filled with regret, all of this was my fault. I can´t believe that she got over me in a week, if she didn´t in four years in a week would be impossible. I kept telling me that until I was fully convinced. I wasn't sure what to do, the only thing I was sure is that I would fight for her to the end.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**EPOV**

Finally after weeks there was signs of improvement in Bella´s state. She looked better, healthier. Her eyes were warm chocolate brown again and the thoughts were definitely hers. She had no idea about what happened, she didn´t remember much about Henry, only clear memories she had were the meetings they had at the masquerade and the library.

We were still on the same page about the entire situation, at this point the only thing we knew is that Henry had some sort of "influence" over Bella´s mind and body, and whatever that influence was it permitted me to listen to her thoughts. Carlisle run through every book he had and contacted most of his friend looking for any kind of information that could help us, but he didn't obtain much success. I watched secretly over her every minute I could, trading shifts with Alice only when hunting was needed.

She returned to her usual schedule, getting classes in the morning and spending most of her afternoons in the library. I visited her some days of the week and I finally could understand the thoughts she tried to hide with so much effort. Every time I looked into her eyes, her voice filled with anger ringed in my mind "You left me…I went through hell…". How was I such a fool not to notice that I would cause her such pain. Bella was stubborn she would never give up. I could believe she hated me passionate right now, but no, despite everything I had done to her, the suffering, the pain, all of her tears, she still cared for me. She cared enough to be around me, even knowing in her silly mind of course, that I would never be hers again. I was too pride to just expose all my feeling for her without knowing how she was going to react.

I was sure she still cared for me, I was sure she would keep me company if she was asked, but I was not sure if she would ever be mine again. I knew all of those things because she hesitated a tiny bit, but she did, not knowing why she hesitated was the issue. It was killing me not knowing if she hesitated because she still loved me or because she didn´t want me to go forever, either way both alternatives pleased me. I smiled

"What?" She frowned obviously thinking I overhead something she didn´t want to. I was so caught up in my theories that I wasn´t even paying attention.

"Just thinking."

"About?" She was curious

"Something you said. You know when you…" She tensed, I could see the lines between her eyebrows

"What did I say?"

"You don´t want to know" I smiled again.

"Of course I do, it must be funny, you are smiling. I would be the first funny zombie ever" She played but I could see her concern. I grimaced, the zombie jokes weren´t funny.

"Please, stop with the zombie jokes. It may sound funny to you, but have you any idea how worried we were?"

"I´m sorry" She dropped her shoulders. She never wanted attention for herself, and according to her book she only caused problems.

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Please?" She begged

" Well if my memory is not failing me you said _"SHUT UP! I loved you every day since the day you left me. What I had was nothing close to what you call a happy human life. I went through hell Edward. If it wasn´t for Jake I would still be in hell… You didn´t want me, you left and never looked behind. I was just another diversion, and when you got tired of me you discarded me, and now, now that I am happy, that I got over you, you want me to leave him and believe in you? That´s ironical isn´t it?... Leave, and please don´t come back. I don´t want to see you or talk to you. I don´t need you anymore, I don´t love you anymore"" _With every word I said I could see her eyes opening wide and her skin turning white. There was a minute of silence and I could hear her heart drumming in her chest, her eyes started filling with tears. _Great Edward, congratulations you done it!_

**BPOV**

I can´t believe I said that, I would never say that. No matter how hurt or happy I was, I would never want him to be gone. I would never tell him I didn´t love him. I will always need him and love him. Those words couldn´t have come from me, I was embarrassed, disappointed, confused and especially hurt. Why was he smiling because of this, I know he wouldn´t smile at my pain, didn´t matter if he left me, he would never laugh over my pain, this much I knew. He was glad, glad I was over him, that I didn´t need him anymore. Everything was easier this way. A clear path for his new life with who he wanted.

"I´m sorry. I shouldn´t have told you" Always a gentleman

"No. I´m glad you did. I´m just frustrated I would tell such lies." He frowned, but changed the subject

"You know. You need to go out, not to shop or study. I want to take you to a place I saw last week" I smiled

"When?" I didn´t want to go, first there was the vampire ride, that memory still made me sick, second there was no point going. Why stay with him if he will leave me soon enough. I had to come up with a plan, any plan.

"Today?" He pondered

"Ahm, I guess it´s ok." He smiled and stood up in inhuman speed

"I´ll get everything ready. I will come back to pick you up in one hour" He said already climbing down the window.

One hour, I had one hour to come up with a plan. I was staring to my wall and saw a picture of Jake and me. Perfect! I packed and got a cab to the airport. Jake was a perfect get away plan. I would come up with an excuse later.

**EPOV**

I got everything ready, camping would be an opportunity to talk things over and maybe a chance to redeem myself. I would try and tell her what a big misunderstanding this entire situation was. She was still convinced I wanted Tanya, and that she had cleared the way when she said all those things. It was clear in her thoughts, she didn´t try to hide it, I don´t think she even remembered I could hear what she was thinking. She loved me. She would always love me. I raced to her house. I wanted to tell her as fast as I could. I didn´t want to be apart for another second. I needed her in my arms. I needed to hear that she loved me from her lips.

I got to her house and climbed up the window, I froze when I saw the drawers empty. She was gone. I followed her scent through the stairs and outside, I followed until I reached the airport. Where was she going? Who was she running from? I looked everywhere but her scent was gone. My phone rang in my pocket but I didn´t care enough to answer, I needed to find Bella. Why would she run? And then it came to me, she was clearing the way for me. How silly…

"Edward Masen…" I haven´t heard someone call me by that in years, a century to be accurate, I turned and at the moment my eyes met his I could feel the monster raging inside me

"Henry." I growled

"That´s not very polite. I know your mother taught you better than that" He grinned.

"I will give you five seconds to introduce yourself or I´ll rip your head right here" I knew I would expose myself but the anger was almost uncontrollable.

"Now, you wouldn´t want to rip my head off. You know?"

"Give me one reason"

"Bella" He laughed. My body froze, fear took place of anger. Fear for her life.

"Where is she?" I could hear the desperate tone on my voice.

"Let´s not rush things. First of all I have to congratulate you, I had to wait a long time before you gave me a breech. I can see you are very protective of her." There it was again that smug smile on his face. I wanted to punch it off his face.

"Where is Bella?" I growled and advanced a step towards him. I tried to hear his thoughts but there was nothing.

"Bella is… well, not here." He laughed

"You better leave her alone or…" He cut me off

"Or what? Or you will kill me? Consider this for a second Edward, you can kill me or you can play along. I´d rather you play along, would be more amusing, well for me of course. There isn´t much of a difference for you." He was clearly enjoying this game. Who was he, what did he want with Bella, I didn´t know him and there he was playing with her life, my life.

"I see. You made the right choice Eddie boy." The way he called me made some memory surface, it was a blurry memory, a human memory. I still couldn´t recognize him but I was certain it was some I met in my human life.

"What do I need to do?" I surrendered there was no point trying to fight him if Bella was in danger.

"I´ll send you instructions in two days." He started leaving

Two days, two days of agony, two days of not knowing how she was, if she was well. Two days to find out who he was and figure a way out of this. I stood there frozen, in shock, desperate…

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**Ok, I know its kind of a cliff hanger there but this is where the action starts! I also know this chapter is a bit shorter than the others, but if I added too much in it all the emotion would be gone D:**

**Please review. Makes me happy ;D  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Two days passed, two eternities, every second felt like a century. We have ended every possibility of understanding what or who Henry was. I was sure he was part of my human life, but I couldn't connect him to any particular event.

I could remember perfectly why I once left her. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid. Once again she was in risk and once again the blame was on me. How selfish could I be? For how long can I keep this going? Can I bear to risk her life time and time again just to keep me sane?

Before my phone could ring I was already picking it up.

"Hello?" Everyone was around me listening to what he had to say

"Eddie boy! How are you?" His amusement triggered the anger inside me.

"Where is she." I growled

"She is fine… for now. I don´t think any of us would want that to change."

"What do you want?"

"Well, you see… I already have what I want."

"You said two days." My fists curled in to balls

"Okay, okay I´m a man of my word. Meet me at her place in 15 minutes. Alone, I must add. If you are late or bring someone with you I can´t guarantee her safety" He hung up

"I´m not sure you should go alone Edward, it might be a trap" Jasper was the first one to say

"I don´t care Jasper, I´m not taking risks with her life. Please understand" And he did, along these two days every one of them had imagined more than once if they were in my situation. They understood the agony.

"We understand son, but we don´t know what we are dealing with here."

"The only thing that needs to be understood is that Bella is in danger." I left the room without saying more. They didn´t follow. None of them would bear to be the guilty if something happened to Bella. None of them could be blamed ,none, but me. I raced to her place as fast as I could. I had memorized what her last encounter with him had done to her, more I remembered faster I ran.

Julie wasn´t home so I rushed myself in. He was not there, there was just her laptop sitting on her bed. I was able to see on the screen that he was standing in a dark room. I could see him very well he had a sadistic smile on his face. It was clear he was enjoying the agony I was going through.

"Where is she?" The only reason I had to keep myself in control was Bella, if anything had happened to her, I would snap. Tracking him would be an issue but as soon as I had my eyes on him he would be dead.

"She is perfectly fine." He promised stepping aside so I could see her. She was in that hypnotic state, staring blank to nowhere.

"What do you want? Why are you doing this?"

"Let´s call it payback." He smiled, a dark smile filled with excitement.

"Payback?" I was confused.

"I knew you wouldn´t remember." He was calm now, all the humor was gone. It was about me then why involve Bella in this.

"I don´t know what I have done, but please leave her out of this, she has nothing to do with whatever happened."

"Oh, but you ARE wrong. She has everything to do with what happened." The smile was there again. What could I have possibly have done to deserve such torture "You know, I always thought you would remember a good friend, even for eternity, but I see I was wrong."

"Friends?" If we were something close to friends why would he do this?

"Yes, at some point we were friends. In fact we were practically raised together." It sunk in, his mother and mine were very close friends, we were raised like brothers. Henry Curtis. I remember the nice boy, always polite, always gentle to everyone. We were best friends until weeks before I turned 17, when he left to join the army. That was as much as I could remember of him

"But why…?"

" Let me refresh your memory. When I left to join the army you were supposed to come along, at least that was the plan wasn't it? After all it was YOUR dream." I could pick up the change in his voice, it was filled with anger and resentment now.

"Yes, but…" He interrupted me

"You can´t imagine what I´ve been through. All that pain… it was a pain full "death"" He laughed with no humor. I felt terrible for what I have done, indeed we planned to go to the army together, but days after he left I was already in this life.

"You died…I know I was supposed to join you but I got sick and not long after I died too. I am truly sorry." I tried to make amends.

"Well. Don't need to worry about apologizing. We will get even now, since you got me into that mess.

"Why bring her into this? I still don´t see where she fits into your revenge plot."

"Well, for a vampire you are kind of slow aren´t you Eddie boy?" He chuckled I growled

"Easy, easy, we don´t want OUR Bella getting hurt, do we?" He moved next to her and put his hand around her neck. I froze.

"Please, tell me what I must do. I´ll do anything." I begged

"Anything?" I nodded in defeat

"Okay, that makes everything easier. I want you to give up." He smiled, like he was asking a simple favor from his best friend.

"That´s out of question." I tensed, I could see where this was going.

"You said anything." He tightened his grip around her neck I could see she was having a hard time breathing I hung my shoulders in defeat.

"See, that wasn´t so hard, after all she is just a human."

"No, she isn't. She is my life." As I said the words I could understand the meaning of his plan, he blamed me for taking his life now he was taking mine. My eyes widened in horror. There was no winning here, he was taking her no matter what I did.

"Finally, that took you a while." He smiled

"I´ll do anything, you don´t need to do that. You can kill me, but leave her alone, she is not the one to be punished for what I have done" I was desperate, I would die a million time for Bella.

"Well, I could…" He paused I felt hope.

"But that wouldn´t be funny" My hope was gone. He wanted suffering and pain.

"Please…." I begged

"Well, time is running out, but don´t worry, Bella will be fine. I will take good care of her, she will finally get what she always wanted." He smiled

"There must be something I can do, please Henry…"

"The only thing you can do is give up. Well, hope we never meet again, but I did leave you a gift. For old time sake you know?" and he was gone. I stood frozen in place. He wouldn´t give her up, no matter what I did I couldn't see a different outcome.

Maybe he would treat her nicely after all if he wanted to kill her to make me suffer he lost the perfect opportunity. I was hoping he had fallen for her, if he felt a bit like I did he would never harm her. I closed her laptop and saw a small notebook with black cover lying on her bed. As soon as I had it on my hand I could sense her smell, I flipped the pages and let the gush of wind with her scent wash over my face. "_My dear Bella, what have I done?"_ I felt a small note falling on my lap. I recognized the handwriting.

"_Be safe."_

I wrote that to her years ago when we lived in forks. She kept it after all those years. _"Be safe". _She wasn´t safe right now, it was my fault.

I ran back home, and describing what happened to my family was even harder than watching it. I could hear the defeat thoughts in everyone´s mind. They too didn´t see a different outcome for the situation. Maybe I should just give…

"I have an idea" Carlisle prompted "Maybe I can get a friend of mine to track them. I know is not much of a start but if we know where they are at least we can come up with a plan to rescue her"

My eyes sparkled. I already had a simple plan in mind. Kill him and get her back home safe.

"It might take some time Edward, don´t get your hopes up so fast" He warned me, I nodded, some time was better than no time, I know how I failed miserably when I tried to track Victoria and I wouldn´t allow myself to make the same mistake again.

Carlisle rushed through his contacts until he got a few hints where Alistair might be. This would require a force task. We all made preparations to leave.

"Son, I don't think you should go."

"But Carlisle it´s Bella we are talking about here."

"I know Edward, but he could contact you again, from what you have told us, I don't think he is ready to let you go on without more torture and if he contact you and see you are not here he might notice we are on the hunt." I nodded

"We are departing right now. Just wait for us to come back, I don't want you rushing through things and end up doing something you might regret later"

With that said Carlisle and the others departed, I was alone. Being alone was harder considering the events. Was there anything I could have done differently? I shouldn´t have left her. Every time I leave her some sort of disaster happens, first with James, than Victoria, now this. She was right, I smiled, she was always right, we were meant to be, everything is perfect when we are together but the second we are apart the entire world start a conspiracy to drive us apart. We belong together.

* * *

**Wow, I´m sorry that took a long time but there it is. Please Review**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

I tapped my fingers impatiently on the small notebook cover. I opened it and for my surprise, it was her diary. _Indeed a gift_. In other circumstances it would have been a great gift. I started reading it. I was surprised to see my name on the first page, she described her first day at school. It was amazing to get a glimpse at her mind without the editing or she trying to hide her thoughts from me. She described the weather and the people, she wondered what she could have possibly done to deserve my murderous glare, as she describe it. I found it very hard not to laugh at her notes. This diary was like a treasure chest it. I could finally understand a bit how her beautiful mind worked, how perceptive she was. I was falling for her over and over again as I read those pages.

It was amazing to know how much she enjoyed being around us and how it didn't affect her at all, it was almost like it was natural, she described our times together always with so much love and affection, never mentioning how she feared for her life, if she ever did. I kept reading the entire night.

I reached the most difficult part, the time I left. I wish she described her days while I was out, I wanted to know what I missed but she kept it from me, even in a diary she could still drive me insane with her "editing". I read countless pages of non sense "he left me", "I knew I wasn´t good enough for him", "he doesn't want me". In between there were small notes on what she had done like "cliff diving", I could only guess she was out with Jacob Black.

After pages of small notes and non sense I finally reached the last pages, the dates told me they were written not long ago, actually it was after we came back into her life.

"Last days were good in some masochist weird way. On the bright side I finally have the confirmation I am not crazy and vampires do exist, I saw the Cullens again. I missed them so much. It was good to know they missed me too but it was very clear to me that he didn´t want me there, I was intruding his life.

He looked like he was suffering and I´m smart enough to know why. He doesn´t want me in his life. I should have known better, if Alice told me we were going to their place or even that he didn´t want to see me I could have avoided that. I don't want to be an intruder in his life.

He made it very clear he didn´t want me, that I was no good for him, so what right do I have to intrude his life like that? He loathes me… and still I could live like this, just having him close to me is enough.

I couldn´t expect anything else, after all I´m only human… maybe if I was something else… more like them and a lot less like me…

I remember once he told that he cared more for me than I did for him, because if he had to he would leave. Ironic… he also said I would never have to make that choice, oh well here it is. I know what I have to do, I just have to find out how I will endure it."

"Absurd" I muttered and continued reading

"Edward came over, it´s still hard to write, talk or think about him. I feel he could decide to leave again at any moment. My resolution to leave his life and pretend they never existed went down the drain today. As I was saying the words he asked me the most absurd thing I could ever expect. He wanted to be friends. FRIENDS? Can you imagine that? How could I possibly do that?

If he knew how tempted I am to throw myself into his arms and kiss him every time I see him, he would rather see me gone."

I smiled, if she only knew I felt the same.

"Today was hard, harder than any other day. I saw him with another girl, one I can´t compete with. I guess finally he found someone good enough for him. I wish I was immortal too, and then maybe I wouldn't be so plain, so dull, so boring…. Maybe I would be good enough for him"

"Days are getting confused. It´s so easy to be around him, I finally feel pieces of me that were missing for god knows how long, it´s hard because I´m not complete without him. I don´t feel complete without his love. I have to keep reminding myself we are just friends and as far as I know that´s all we will ever be. I wonder if there is a way, if could convince one of them to change me maybe with time he would love me again."

"I wonder if Alice would change me…"

"I want to be like him…."

What is this obsession she has about changing into a monster she would never understand…

"Damn it" I cussed as I dialed Carlisle number on my phone.

"Carlisle, he´s going to change her…." I growled

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**I have a protest to make, I have great numbers of people adding this story to favorites and putting it on alert but such a small number of reviews. Please guys it only takes a minute or so to tell me how you aprecciate or hate the hours I spend trying to make this right. So please I beg one more time REVIEW let me know what you think, you don´t have to be shy.**


	16. Note

**Hi everyone,**

** I'm sorry to use this space for this, but I am looking for a beta reader for the next chapters. I'm doing this here because I need someone who is already familiar with the story. Must have good grammar skills, have a critical eye and love our couple.**

**Please send me a PM if you are interested and we will talk more to see if we can make it work.**

**Thanks for your patience.**

**PS: Chapter 16 is nearly done! woot~**


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**BPOV**

We were on a clear room he paced in front of me explaining for the last time what I would have to endure. I nodded. He explained one last time exactly what I should do after and exactly how I was supposed to act finally saying it was necessary, that I would have to go through it if we wanted to spend and eternity together. I nodded once more assuring him that I was okay with it. And then I felt a sharp pain on my neck, slicing through my skin and flesh, I knew what expected me after. He made sure to tell me exactly what was going to happen. Exactly what I would become. Something inside me warned me told me to be careful, but yet I couldn´t fear him, he granted me a gift beyond imagination, and even knowing it would be painful I gladly accepted it.

"I am sorry sweet heart." Henry laid a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"I know it will hurt, but I must leave you now." I sobbed, I didn´t want him to leave me. "You will be fine, I promise." He gently caught my face between his hands. "I will come back for you in no time. Be a nice girl ok?" He grinned. That for me was enough, his promise would have to be enough. I obeyed and stood there, very quiet, not moving, my eyes closed.

I was in the darkness for far too long, I tried to search for a way out but I couldn´t. My body felt heavy and I couldn´t hear anything but my heart beats. The hours dragged and I felt more drained, there was no energy in me. I knew I had to get out but I didn´t know how. I stood there quiet for a long time, finally something changed, I felt a burning right where he bit me, as the venom started to spread through my body things started to get somewhat clearer. I knew what was happening to me, I knew soon enough I would change.

"Bella?" The familiar sweet voice dragged some light into my darkness. I opened my eyes

The moment I saw his face everything that happened was just a blur far too distant for me to care.

"Edward" I smiled and the burning reached my face, the smile turned and all I could do now was scream.

"Oh, Bella, I am so sorry…" Another scream. I blinked for one last time and saw his eyes full of guilty and concern I knew then I would have to be strong, I would have to be strong for him.

I took a deep breath and felt the burning reaching my lungs, I put all my effort into controlling myself. Once again it was dark, I was still, very still, I focused on my heart beats, and just let myself go. I had to endure this for him.

More time passed and I was already getting used to the burning through my body. I was able to think clearer and when I thought it was finally getting to an end the burning reached my heart, spreading a whole new meaning of pain through my entire body. My heart pounded frantically and I was fighting not to scream afraid that any kind of movement would only make the pain worse.

**EPOV**

Alistair tracked them back to a house that seemed abandoned. As we got in we noticed that he already left, I thought for a second that he would take Bella with him, but her smell was strong inside the house. Proof that she was still there. We quickly scanned the house and found her lying very still on a bed. Her heart beats sounded week, I moved close to her. She seemed a bit pale but nothing that would be motive for concern.

"Bella" I exhaled in relief. She slowly opened her eyes

"Edward" She smiled. And then out of nowhere her smile turned into a frown and a loud scream escaped her lips, as she contorted and screamed I saw the wound on her neck. I was too late. She was already changing.

"Oh, Bella, I am so sorry…" Another scream. I knew how much pain she would go through now. She took a deep breath and it was silent.

Two days already passed she didn't move or scream anymore, she was still and her breath was even. I was absolutely sure that there was something wrong, there was no way someone could simply endure that pain, but Carlisle reassured me she was fine.

"Listen to her heart son, she will be fine." He said patting my right shoulder

I stood there waiting for her, as soon as this was over I would get a chance to redeem myself. I still had to hunt that monster down. How could he let her alone in this state? She was so frail, so sweet… how could he submit her to such pain? How dare he take her soul like that?

Seven days passed and there wasn't a change, she was still very quiet, only her breathing and heart giving signs that she was still alive. I was pacing around the room when finally I notice a change. Her heart started pounding faster and her breathing became uneven and after a minute it was gone. Complete silence took over the room, I called for Carlisle who appeared in no time.

"It's time he said." I nodded and we took a step back to let her take in her new life.

Another minute passed and small thudding sound came from her I looked at Carlisle confused. Her heart… restarted? Before a word could be said she blinked. She stood there still without moving and just sucked in a huge gush of air. I was anxious, was she alright? What had just happened? I had so many questions, so many things to confess… Carlisle was the first one who spoke.

"Bella?" He said taking a step to her direction. She looked at him and in inhuman speed she bounced from the bed swirling in the air falling to a crouch on the floor. She was hissing at him. Amazing!

"Calm down Bella." He said throwing both of his hands in front of him signing that we meant no harm to her.

"Who are you?" a small growl escaped her lips. She didn't recognize Carlisle.

_She must be confused. _Carlisle thought.

"I am Carlisle Cullen" he introduced himself. She stood up in a fraction of a second to a less threatening but still defensive position.

"How do you know my name?" She took her hands to her mouth covering her lips, shock crossed her eyes. It was normal, a simple thing could startle us while we still got used to our new life.

Carlisle explained to her that we were friends and that we were sent to help her. She cocked her head to the side in the cutest way. She then looked at me, noticing I was staring at her, she… she blushed? Ha that was… weird. Maybe it was just my imagination, Bella would easily blush whenever I did certain things as stare at her, it was probably just a reflex of my memories. Carlisle immediately noticed the change and rushed to introduce me.

"This is my son, Edward" he said, as soon as my name was said her entire posture changed, her eyes were confused and she threw her arms around her body and embraced it with much force.

"_Son, I think it would be best if you left us." _ How could he ask me that? I wanted nothing more than to be with her. Not too many days ago I thought I lost her forever and now I was here with her again as safe as she could be. It was nearly impossible for me to leave. _"Please Edward. You are distressing her, she still new to this we don't know how she could react we know how unpredictable we can be."_ I nodded and left.

I kept tabs on Carlisle's thoughts accessing all of her new features that fitted her perfectly, Carlisle noticed some strange things about her as well, though she was definitely one of us now her heart was still beating, at a very slow and calm pace, but still it was beating, and with that we came to her skin tone, it was about two tones paler than her usual skin, but she still had that cream tone that I loved and she did blush! What unusual, but what did intrigued me the most were her eyes, if I ever consider changing her I thought those deep brown eyes would be forever lost, but they were still there. Bella was a unique human and most definite an unusual vampire, even Carlisle with his vast knowledge couldn't understand the situation and that of course made his curiosity burn inside him.

"_You understand what happened to you?" _He asked I could see her through his mind. She nodded once and then asked.

"_You are one too right?"_

"_Yes. If you understand what happened to you and what you are you must understand your needs have changed too." _He said and again she nodded

"_You must be thirst then?" _He asked her, but no reaction came, she seemed to ponder for a bit but just stated no with her head.

"_Hungry?" _He asked again and again she answered no.

"_I… I do feel a bit tired" _She answered causing humor in both me and Carlisle. Would she be the first vampire to need sleep?

"_Well, Bella, if you want to, we can arrange you a room in our house." _I was very pleased with Carlisle's offer, I know we are not supposed to pressure her but I wanted to stay by her side so bad.

"_I'm not sure…" _No, don't say no.

"_We can help you through this Bella, we have all been there. Believe me, it's much easier when there is someone there to help you."_ She thought for a minute and then nodded. I would have to thank Carlisle for this later.

"_Let us go then. The entire family is very excited about you." _I heard them pacing out of the room.

"_We live not far, and soon enough you will be resting in a bed."_ She laughed, her laugh was so angelic it made my heart inflate.

"_I don't need to sleep" _She stated. Carlisle didn't answer her so she continued

"_Can you please take me to somewhere where there are people?"_ Carlisle was more confused than I was.

She explained again.

"_Someone said to me, before… you know… that I wouldn't be exactly like others of our kind. Unlike you I don't feed with blood but I do need human's energy to keep functional." _Carlisle nodded, he felt apprehensive, it was now understandable what happened to Bella and why she entered that Zombie state. She was still very perceptive.

"_Don't worry, more humans there are in a place less they will feel a difference, if we go to a mall for example there will be enough for me to recuperate and it won't affect them as well. The only thing that I might cause is some exhaustion that can be easily cured by going to bed early. I was taught not to expose myself too." _She giggled. I was astonished, I know I have explained some of it to her a long time ago, but she seemed to know even more than we did. Now my curiosity was burning.

**BPOV**

We were already in their car, heading to their house after we stopped at a mall so I could feed. The three men stood there amazed almost like something impossible was happening, I figured as mythical creatures they should know, almost everything is possible. I guess I must be something new for them. I did remember someone explaining that I would be different that besides us there were no other vampires that fed or looked like us. I could remember it was a man, but the memories I had of him was so blurry, they seemed more of a dream than reality.

I often noticed the bronze haired man staring at me, almost expecting me to react to him. His face was familiar but I couldn't remember why, his name also caused unexpected reactions to my body. The memories from my human life seemed so blurry now, and there was a great deal that seemed to be missing. Maybe he reminded me someone I met on my previous life.

The ride was overall silent, the one called Carlisle would every now and then ask the one who was driving, Alistair, about his life back in England. He texted someone, I assumed he sent a text to warn the family I was arriving it was easy to surrender to Carlisle's kindness, even thought he was a complete stranger I felt like I could trust him. I looked at my side and saw his son struggling almost holding a battle within him. Maybe he wasn't comfortable with the idea of a stranger staying in their house, I should have thought about this. Carlisle seemed kind enough and it when he insisted that I would stay in his home I forgot to consider that his family might not be as welcoming as he was. I thought for a minute and decided to talk to him when we arrived at his home.

Not long after the car pulled to a driveway and came to a stop. I analyzed the house the seemed pretty welcoming and left the car. Alistair was not staying at the Cullen's house, he already arranged to go back England, he had unfinished business that required his immediate attention. Edward was already inside and Carlisle waited for my reaction. I was debating if I should go or if it would be rude for me to just bid farewell here.

"Come Bella, there is nothing to be afraid of." Carlisle said holding the door open for me giving me a reassuring smile. I went inside.

When I came in I saw the group of vampires gathered at the bottom of the stairs. I was not sure how I was supposed to feel, even though they were all smiling welcoming me I felt a bit threatened. Not by the tall muscular one, but the one that had several bite marks covering his body. The sound of the door shutting startled me and I immediately took a defensive position. The men shifted almost in the same second, now they were in front of the women.

"Don't worry she won't harm us will you Bella?" Carlisle said now moving to the side of his mate I guessed. I moved from my position and put my hands in front of me a bit ashamed for my reaction. Carlisle laughed.

"You don't need to be embarrassed Bella. It's completely normal for us to react that way when we are newborns. They were just concerned about their family." I nodded

"Bella this is my family, This is Esme my wife, Rosalie and Emmet, Alice and Jasper and you already met Edward earlier today."

"It's nice to meet all of you. I am Bella" I said giving out a little smile. Oddly enough I felt I was in the right place, I thought about saying good bye and taking my way but they standing there together made me feel like I belonged.

The short pixie one, Alice, danced getting close to me. Unlike others she didn't seem worried or apprehensive and the happy smile on her face made me feel at ease with her.

"Oh wow Bella. You are certainly very different." She mused I just blushed and dropped my eyes. "Don't take it the wrong way, you are also completely stunning. But I have a hard time understanding…" Carlisle interrupted her.

"Edward, why don't you show Bella her room? I am sure Bella need some time for herself." I appreciated that. I still didn't have time to think about what happened to me and a little time alone would be good.

* * *

**Yes, I know it´s crappy but Edward didn´t get to change her.**

**Yes, She is a different kind of vampire.**

**And yes she does have human reactions.**

**I would like to thank ****Noble Korhedron** **for reviewing this last chapter ;)**


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**EPOV**

She followed me up the stairs and through the hallway I stopped in front of her room. I hesitated a bit if I opened the door she would go in and I didn't knew how long it would take for me to see her again, on the other hand some time alone might help her remember. I opened the door and motioned for her to enter the room.

"Here it is. I said" I wanted to feel relaxed about this entire situation but it was just so frustrating. I ran my fingers through my hair. She entered the room. There was this awkward silence between us, one I wasn't used to.

"Well if there is anything else you need, please feel free to ask one of us." I was making my way out when she finally spoke.

"Wait" I turned to her. I waited for her to speak, but she was debating with herself rather to talk.

"Yes?" I asked encouraging her.

"Do I… Do I know you?" Yes, and you are the reason for my existence I wanted to tell her. I wanted to yell on the top of my lungs that I loved her.

"_Careful Edward."_ Carlisle warned me through his mind. It would be so easy to tell her everything now, I wanted to but for some odd reason she just couldn´t remember me, she didn't remember any of us.

"No." I said my voice dry, my previous resolution of staying with her was escaping slowly through my fingers. I closed the door behind me.

What was I to do now? There was no point fighting to keep her from me now, she was no longer human, she was now more durable, my world was no longer a threat for her, now she belonged in it. I wished for a long time that she would forget me, but now that it was happening it was a nightmare, one I can't even begin to explain. I once wished she had a human life, but now that she was no longer human I could fight for her, I could win her again. There was no hope in the in my statement, I always thought I was the most fortunate being for her to love me the way she did, maybe this time lucky wouldn´t be at my side.

"_She just needs time." _Jasper thought trying to comfort me. I walked downstairs my family already waiting for me, they were all mixed up between relief and pity. Relief cause she was back, and that she was no longer human so that part of me that was constantly debating if I should or should not leave her was out of the way and pity because they couldn´t tell if the memory loss was temporary. I dropped to the couch and let myself sink.

"Fight Edward." Alice prompted in a whisper, now that she had inhuman hearing too we had to watch ourselves.

"Yeah bro." Emmet gave me a little punch on the shoulder.

"I might not be so lucky this time." I confessed no excitement in my voice.

"Edward." Rosalie now dropped to look into my eyes."Don´t fool yourself it was not luck that brought her to love you. It was fate. We can´t understand what happened to her, but it already happened, she is no longer human, and given that I can't oppose anymore. You gave her up once, and it made you miserable and now, now that you can fight for her I won´t allow you to forfeit, she was meant to be with you can´t you see that?" I was appalled, and so was everyone in the room, Rosalie giving out comfort words was a new thing, but it was also reassuring. I nodded.

"Good." She patted my knee.

"We just need a plan…" Alice said already scheming.

"No plans Alice." I commanded.

"Right, like I should listen to you. I promise I won´t force anything into her, but she could use a little push." She chanted in her annoying confident way.

"When we deal with patients like that in the hospital, we usually ask relatives to bring personal items…" Carlisle stopped, we could all hear her, she was coming.

"Hello Bella, how are you feeling?" Carlisle said.

"Fine, I think." She said touching her forehead.

"Is there anything we can do for you?" He asked.

"Maybe I should call my roommate, she is probably worried." I looked at Alice, she was confused as I was.

"Of course dear." Esme walked over to her."Follow me"

Bella followed Esme to the phone and Bella quickly dialed the number.

"Hey Julie." She sighed, we could hear Julie screaming on the other side.

"Oh my god Bella, do you want to kill me? I was worried you know? I thought you went home to see your father but he didn´t know about you either, he is going to kill you." She paused, Bella sighed. "Are you okay?"

"Sure sure, I´m fine Julie, I won´t be after I talk to Charlie though. Thanks." She responded annoyance in her voice.

"I´m sorry what did you want me to do, I was worried."

"I know Julie, I´m sorry, I´ll be home soon." She promised.

"Okay. Call your dad Bells."

"I will. Bye."

"Bye." She hung up and dialed again.

"Hi dad." She said her voice concerned.

"Isabella Marie Swan." He yelled on the other side. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Sorry dad, I was a bit stressed, I need some time off, so I decided to travel a bit." She was still a poor liar.

"Right. Next time you should at least tell someone, we were almost getting the FBI after you." He laughed now, relieved that his daughter was safe.

"I know dad. Sorry."

"Okay Bella I have to go, but call me later"

"Okay dad, bye."

"Bye."

She sighed in frustration and stood there looking at the phone. So she could remember everything, but us. That didn't seem natural, of course it wasn't natural. He would do that, if he could torture me just a little bit, of course he would. She looked around memorizing the house and stopped at the piano, she traced the piano with her small fingers stopping at the keys.

"Do you play?" Alice asked putting her plan in action, I could see it forming in her mind.

"No Bella." She said removing her fingers from the piano, and blushing. Emmet exploded in laughter making her blush even more.

"_Still funny. I guess that will never leave her."_ He thought to himself but Rosalie threw her elbow on his ribs.

"Ouch Rose."

"Edward plays." Alice said a small grin on her face I sighed. "Go on Edward, play something for her" she said encouraging me.

I got up and moved to the piano, Bella shot me an apologetic look, seeing Alice was forcing me. It was not that I didn't want to play for her, if she wanted I would play for all eternity, but that little annoying pixie was putting her plan to action too fast. I sat and let my hands drift over the piano keys. I started playing Esme´s and Carlisle´s song. She looked at me with amazed eyes listening intently until it came to an end.

"Wow, you are good." She said bewildered I chuckled.

"_Now play her song."_ Alice thought, making everyone leave the room.

I started playing her lullaby, and watched the emotions swept quickly along her face, first amazement, then shock, pain, sadness and then her face was a mix of confusion and understanding. I finished her lullaby and stood up getting away from the piano. What I wouldn't give to know what she was thinking when she heard it.

"That is my favorite you know?" She stated my eyes jumped to her face. Did she remember?

"It´s mine too." I answered, not showing my excitement.

"Who wrote it?" She asked moving closer to me now. She didn´t remember, it wouldn't be so easy, it was never easy with Bella.

"Nobody important." I sighed she was now inches from me, how I fought not to hug her right there.

"I see" She said looking at the floor."Can I ask you something?" She looked back up, her chocolate eyes burning into mine I nodded.

"Did you love her?" She caught me off guard. How could she know I wrote she couldn't could she? But she was always very perceptive. It was obvious I did love her, I still do. I just nodded.

"So, why aren't you still with her?" She asked her eyes still burning in mine.

"It´s complicated." I said avoiding her eyes. They could make me do something stupid.

"Try me." She said, giving me an encouraging smile.

"Well, I hurt her a long time ago, I left her." I confessed "I thought I was doing the right thing, you see, I was always putting her in danger, and in my mind it was the right thing to do." It was very easy to confess to her, she could ask anything from me and I would gladly do it.

"Go on"

"But then, after we moved here, I saw her again, and I just couldn't let her go. I was selfish and without knowing, I hurt her again and again. And now" I sighed "now I´m not sure she can forgive me." I could feel the defeat in my voice, she looked at me, feeling sorry, pity clear in her eyes. She threw her arms around my neck comforting me. I wanted that, I held her with much force I could, I wasn't ready to let her go, but way too son she broke out of my embrace.

"You are wrong." She stated no doubt in her voice. Her eyes analyzing my face.

"Why?" I asked raising one eyebrow.

"Because" She leaned in, her face too close, her sweet breath washing over my face "I do forgive you."

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**Hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**BPOV**

His eyes sparkled and burned, the most beautiful smile crossed his face I felt my bones melting. He threw his arms around my waist and lifted me from the floor swirling me in the air around the room. He laughed so carefree so happy. He finally stopped and set my feet on the ground, he hugged me and sunk his head into my now deranged hair taking in a huge gush of air.

"You remember." He said his face still buried in my hair I couldn't see his face but happiness emanated from his entire body.

"Not all of it." I admitted.

"What do you remember?" He asked curious now looking at me.

"Well" I paused for a second trying to force all the memories I had from him to come back. "I remember that song and something inside me knew it was my song, and then I remembered being alone in a forest, your face came to me, so cold, so composed." Anguish took place of happiness in his eyes. "And then I looked at you and knew that it was you and that you were back." I smiled

"That´s all?" He asked incredulous.

"Well of memories yes." I only had those memories of him, but my feelings were something else there was a lot more to it but I couldn't put it to words.

"What else?" He asked taking my hands into his.

"I am not sure I can explain. I don't understand it." I confessed. It was hard for me not understanding exactly why I felt this way about him. I always thought when you loved someone it was a love purely based on memories, on things that were build together but this was entirely different and completely new. Because of that song, I knew, and I was sure I loved him, no conditions, no memories, it was pure love. I loved him with every cell of my body and with all my force, and I couldn't bring myself to deny that, even if there was no reason, even if it didn't make sense I couldn't stop loving him.

"Try." He said his eyes begging.

"I only have these tree memories of you, but you see, they mean so much more than I can understand. I know there is something missing but I can´t tell exactly what it is." Did that make sense to him? It didn't make sense for me. "And when you finished and looked at me, I knew it was you, I was sure this was the song you played for me, I can´t remember when or why, but seeing you there at the piano made me sure, almost like déjà vu." He nodded

"So you don't exactly remember me." He asked in a grave tone.

"Not really." I answered embarrassed, pain crossed his eyes.

"I understand" He said releasing his arms from me.

"Don´t I" whispered in his ear holding him tighter, being apart from him seemed so wrong. Now that I had him so close, I didn't want to let go, I needed him.

"Why?" He asked still not responding to my hold on him.

"Because I might not have memories of you, but I know I-" I stopped there.

"Know what?" he was impatient

"I love you." I sunk my head into his chest, I felt the warmth reaching my cheeks. He let out a long breath.

"How can you be so sure?" He asked, but the sadness was now gone from his voice.

"It´s complicated." I stated.

"I´m sure I can keep up." He laughed, I knew I missed something, like an internal joke.

"I can´t remember, I am not sure what happened, or why it ended up like this, but there is something more, something inside me just draws me to you, it feels wrong, to be apart from you." I pursed my lips, maybe I was saying too much.

"Nonetheless I would feel better if you could remember everything. I don´t want you to regret anything once your memories come back to you." He said putting a distance between us. My arms were empty, a part of me was missing. I didn't want to give away how wrong it felt so I just nodded.

"Maybe there is something I could do to help." My eyes flashed to his, he wanted to help, so he wasn't planning on staying apart for long, I liked this.

"Why don´t you tell me something? If you tell me I might remember." I suggested, he just shook his head.

"I am biased." He stated.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked curiosity burning.

"Wait here." He darted out of the room and in amazing speed he was back, with a small notebook in his hands. He pulled me to the couch and sat right beside me, putting it on my lap. I looked at him waiting for an explanation.

"Maybe, it would be easier if you looked at it from your own perspective." He opened the first page and looked at me expectant.

I ran my eyes through the first page and it was easy enough to recognize my handwriting, it was my diary.

"Oh"

I read the first page and it didn´t surprise me when I saw his name on it, but the memories didn´t come to me. I knew he was eager to know if I remembered something, he was fidgeting in his place, but I didn't dare disappoint him so I turned to another page. It was the second time I saw him, I got now the internal joke, he said that to me when he asked me about Phill and mom, but again, no memories.

"Anything yet?" He asked but I just shook my head.

"Do you want to stop?"

"No" I answered too fast, he just chuckled.

I read countless pages about us and about his family, how he was always trying to warn me about how dangerous he was, how he was always giving me the choice, how he saved my life and how natural it was for me to be around them, it seemed so easy, I did remember how it felt when I didn't belong, I was sure I was a freak, well seeing from this point of view I was definitely a freak, who would have thought that my place was with a bunch of vampires. I laughed and turned to another page, my birthday, an accident, it seemed a tragedy but even reading it I knew it was not a big deal, for me anyway. I kept on reading and reached another page but this one was almost empty the lonely words made my inside fall apart. _"He left me."_ Without thinking I threw my arms around my chest, making sure they held everything in place, why these words would cause me so much pain? I couldn't understand it, in a second I felt my entire body breaking, I turned to another page _"He didn´t want me."_ I felt my heart being ripped apart, I gasped for the unnecessary air, but my lungs weren´t there either. It was the thought, the thought of being apart from him, of never seeing his gorgeous face again and of never hearing his sweet velvet voice that made me hurt so bad, again the unconditional love was there. A flash of memory came to me, the vision of my plain human body and then his body, his glorious body, it was easy to see why we weren´t right, I was no good for him.

"Are you hurt Bella?" He said holding my hands and undid my grasp. "What is it? Did you remember something?"

"You di-dn't wa-nt me?" I felt my voice breaking with small sobs I couldn´t care less about my memories, the feeling, the hurt those were still there and they were real almost tangible. He sighed.

"It wasn´t like that." He was now wiping the tears of my face. "I didn´t want you to be in danger."

"Then why?" I asked trying to recompose.

"Because, I thought I was the one putting you in danger, you were in danger every second we spent together and that day, the day of your birthday, it was all the proof I needed to get resolution in place. I didn´t want you hurting anymore. I wasn´t ready to the one who harmed you beyond repair, love." His last word sent a wave of warmth through my entire body. So he left me because he didn´t want to hurt me, he feared for my life, I couldn´t find the words to describe how that felt in one fraction of a second all the hurt, all the pain all the doubts were lifted and I knew he loved me too. He pulled my head up so he could look me in the eyes and waited, but I couldn't find my voice.

"It was a lie." He reassured. "I had to lie or you wouldn´t…" I interrupted him

"Still…" I said dropping my head, embarrassed, I wanted to tell him I still loved him, I wanted to tell him how he had left his mark in me no matter if I remembered.

"You regret forgiving me don't you?" He said his voice full of defeat.

"Still" I repeated "I do love you" and it was true, but I was not sure he would take it.

He tilted my chin up with the tip of his fingers and leaned in closer, his lips brushed mine ever so slightly, I wasn't even sure they were there.

"I love you more." He whispered, his breath made my lips tingle. He then pressed his lips against mine with so much passion I forgot completely who I was. My lips parted giving in to his, my heart raced in my chest, I was ready to give all of me to him but way too soon, he stopped, my head between his hands, I looked at his expectant face and another memory came to me.

"At least I didn´t faint this time." I smiled he laughed.

"We can work on that." He said delivered a small kiss on my lips. He pulled us closer, I could feel his skin slightly colder than mine sending small shockwaves through my entire body. I knew I belonged to him, even with no memories I couldn't argue with myself, something inside me yelled that this was right, that there was nothing I could do to fight it and I was pleased with my lack of strength because I didn´t want to fight it.

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**Don´t hate me it is a bit short but I was so excited to show you how Bella saw this entire situation that I had to end the chapter soon.**

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	20. Chapter 19

**Previously on Rebirth:**

**After four years Bella and Edward meet again but under different circumstances. Edward asks her to be friends with him and thinks she is a relationship with Mike, finding out later that he was wrong. They go to a concert and Bella meets Tanya she is convinced that there is something between them.**

**After several days without talking they go to a masquerade and Bella gets sick, Carlisle and Edward think that she might have been drugged, and that the drug somehow allowed Edward to read her thoughts, only to find out later that Henry, a vampire from Edward's past was the responsible for her health problems.**

**Bella gets even sicker and obsessed about Henry telling Edward she didn't love him anymore and asking him to leave, but he refuses, once Bella gets better and Edward tell her what she said she can't help but think that all she said was a lie. Edward "hears" it and decide to put all the cards on the table, he wants to talk and make everything clear but once he gets to Bella's house she was not there. He followed her to the airport to find out she was kidnapped by Henry, who was delivering Edward a payback for being a vampire.**

**Henry then changes Bella into a vampire, but when she wakes up her memory is gone. Slowly she recover some of her memories, though none of them involve Edward, she can't understand why it is that she feel such an unconditional love for him, but in truth she just doesn't want to fight it.**

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**Chapter 19**

Days passed and it was easy to readjust to this new life, I was slowly remembering things, they tried to help me by telling me multiple stories but it never worked, what helped was experimenting, like when I was being Alice´s subject for fashion experiments and I instantly remembered prom, it was a good day almost perfect if it was not by my broken leg. I asked how it happened and when they told me I was more than shocked. I didn´t think I could have been through such experience, I was also amazed, I couldn't exactly compare my vampire experience to theirs, I didn't thirst for blood, my "thirst" was for energy, but I could understand them. It was impossible not to love Edward, how he had put so much effort into protecting me time and time again, how he restrained himself when it was almost impossible, only because he loved me too, even when he left, he did love me and I could understand it now.

I was alone, the Cullen mansion was sadly empty, and another memory came to me, an empty house and there too I was alone, something like a whole build up in my chest, an uncertainty that they would never return. I sighed, how annoying it was not to remember everything, the memories didn´t have any chronologic order, they were just coming to me and spreading in my mind, I used my diary many times to help me place them in the correct order, but in some cases it wasn´t much of a help.

I opened in my diary hoping that this memory was registered there, but I knew it was a vain hope, it was part of the memories I didn't want to share, not even with myself. I have been avoiding reading all of it, I wanted to remember things by myself, I didn't want to ruin the "surprise". Today I was far too bored and far too annoyed to keep that resolution in place. I opened where I last stopped, the day I first saw them again. I kept on reading until I reached the page I was talking about some other girl, he had met another girl? Jealousy burned through my veins, the image came to me like it had never left me, her sculptural body leaning over him, talking close to his ear. I growled.

"Upset?" I heard a soft whisper in my ear. I turned immediately to see his perfect face amused by my frustration. His eyes were a light gold, his face a little flushed, they have been hunting.

"Not very much." I tossed the diary on the bed and threw my arms around his waist.

"Hmm" he mused delivering a small kiss to my lips. "Really?"

"Can I ask you something?" I hid my face in his chest. I knew I would be blushing soon.

"Anything you want, love." He said brushing his lips on my forehead.

"Did…" I stopped myself I didn't have the courage to ask, well in fact I didn´t want to know the answer. He tucked my chin with his fingers, forcing me to look at him.

"What is it?" He asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

"Well, I was wondering…"

"Yes?"

"Did you love her too?" He arched one perfect eyebrow cocking his head to the side, the cutest look of confusion in his face.

"I mean, did you love Tanya?" I forced myself to let her name out. He laughed I grimaced releasing my face from his hand. Before I could turn he already had me in place again looking deeply in my eyes.

"Silly Bella." He brushed my lips with his. "I only love you."

"But…" I wanted to ask more but he kissed me urgently, delivering the force of his love on my lips. I knew I didn´t need air, but I gasped for it. Self control around Edward was never possible. He slowed his pace, kissing me softly one last time.

"Are you jealous?" He asked, his voice amused.

"No." I mumbled

"Don´t be jealous." He said ignoring my answer and holding me tighter. I sighed, sometimes there was no point in arguing, especially when he was this close.

"Tell me something."

"Yes?" I asked

"What did you remember this time?" He pulled us to the enormous bed. Both of us lying on our sides, staring at each other.

"Nothing important."

"Bella, please, everything you remember is important to me." He pleaded his eyes burning.

"Well, it´s not a complete memory, I am not sure where I was it was a house, it resembled this one, and I was alone, it was painful to remember that." I wrapped my hands on his shirt pulling him closer.

"I am sorry to hear that." He said with immeasurable pain in his voice.

"It´s not your fault." I reassured him, but I knew it wouldn´t work. He´s been punishing himself over and over for leaving me.

"What else did you remember?" He asked. I appreciated the change of subject.

"I didn´t actually remember it. I cheated." I admitted.

"How?" He asked curious.

"Well I was trying to figure out the other memory, but I couldn´t find anything in the diary, I got annoyed so I kept reading until I reached the day we went to a concert. I actually thought you had something with her." He chuckled now.

"It´s not funny." I gave him a little punch on the elbow.

"Actually it is very funny love." He said leaning in closer, his lips brushing my neck my entire body seemed to melt under his touches.

"I don´t see how."

"That day, I wanted nothing more than to be with you, but you seemed to avoid me, I even offered you a ride but you didn't accept it." His lips now traveled from the base of my ear to the hollow of my neck.

"I wonder why." I said and he chucked again, his breath making my skin tingle. Two soft knocks on the door interrupted our conversation.

"I will be right back love, Alice needs me." I nodded.

I decided I should call Charlie, he was still a bit upset with me but decided to forgive me sooner, he was excited about my visit next week, Edward on the other hand was apprehensive, I couldn't tell exactly why but he was insisting to keep me here.

"Hello"

"Hi dad."

"Bella!" He answered excited

"How are you dad?"

"I am great, and how are things there?"

"Pretty good."

"And Sue?"

"She is great too, she is helping Jake and Leah with the final touches for the wedding. You have to see it Bells it's going to be huge." I could pick up the happiness in his voice.

"I will dad. I will be there next week." I laughed

"Yeah right, did you buy your tickets?"

"No not yet." I confessed

"You should do it today, Jake will be really disappointed if you miss his wedding."

"I know that, I´ll go today."

"Okay, I´ll see you then, Billy just got here."

"See you dad."

"Bye Bells."

I sighed, I knew I had to go there was no way I would miss Jake's wedding, he did so much for me, how could I not go. I also knew that I would end up in a discussion with Edward. I sighed again.

"Is everything alright?" He asked me hugging me from behind.

"Yes."

"Why are you so annoyed then?" He kissed my neck gently.

"I have to go t the airport." His body tensed immediately, he knew where this was going.

"Please Bella…" He pleaded

"Edward, you know it´s not something I have a choice, Jake is my friend." I turned to look at his face.

"Things are different now Bella, you must understand that." He said in a sharp tone.

"I don't see how Edward. Except for me nothing changed, and I am pretty sure Jake won´t find out."

"You are wrong." He stated.

"Please… it´s not safe for you to be around Jacob now Bella." I scoffed

"Do you really think I would do anything to my best friend?"

"That was not what I was talking about Bella."

"Please Edward, your arguments are just ridiculous, I don't see a plausible reason why I shouldn't be friends with Jake. I won't hurt him."

"I know you would never hurt him, I am more afraid he would hurt you." His eyes were full of concern now and I couldn't understand why.

"Why?"

"Because, love, he is not the Jacob you remember, he changed."

"It doesn't matter to me" I whispered. Another memory, another time when I had said that same phrase, and even being a completely different situation Edward's reaction was the same.

"He is one too isn't he?" Edward growled

"If he was one of us, I would let you go believe me."

"What then?"

"We are enemies love, natural enemies, he is not one of us, but he is a monster too." I stared at him in disbelief.

"He is a werewolf Bella. That´s why you can´t go see him. He will kill you." Shock crossed my body, and I instantly froze in place.

"Jake wouldn't…" my voice was small

"He will." He stated no doubt in his voice, he kept talking but I couldn't understand a word he said, my mind filled with pain, the sentiment of loss once again. This could not be true.

"When?" I was able to finally ask

"Right after we left, you already knew that, you just didn't remember." He said rubbing both of my arms.

I scanned my mind for any memory that could indicate that but I couldn't find it, it was not there, not even a hint of it. I was angry now, even if what Edward just told me was true, Jake would never hurt me, I would never hurt him.

"Bella…" Edward reached for me but I leaned away.

"I need to be alone." I said harshly and darted through the door.

"Bella." He called my name once more and aimed for my arms, but I dodged him again.

"Please.." I pleaded and ran out of the house. He didn't come after me.

I ran as fast as I could, trying to clear my mind. I let my legs guide me and forced myself not to think about anything, I watched as the leaves were tainted orange by the morning sun touching them, they danced as I swiftly passed through them, it was beautiful. I kept my mind distracted and kept my pace until I noticed the orange tint being replaced by a silver one. It was full moon. I came to a sudden stop finally realizing how long I have been running. Where am I? I thought to myself. I scanned my surroundings trying to recognize it but there was no success. I paced slowly now, walking among the trees, that's when I saw it, a little silver spot, far in a distance in the middle of a sea of darkness, well it wasn't dark for my eyes, not at all, but the difference between color tones enticed my curiosity.

I watched the spot carefully while walking towards it, it was some sort of clearance in the middle of the woods, anxiety grew inside me with every step I took forward. When I finally reached the border line it was easy to recognize it. It was our meadow.

My mind was being bombarded with memories. So many memories, one happy memory and the rest of them were nothing but painful. I noticed then my body crumbling, giving up to the pain, my knees sunk into the ground, my chest shook, my eyes flooded with tears and my heart broke in small pieces.

Everything was back in place, in my mind that is. There were no memories missing, no chronological mistakes. Every little detail was there. I thought I knew the meaning of pain, of loss, but now, now that I could remember everything I knew I underestimated it. My body ached and burned, and it hurt even more than when I changed, ten thousand times more. This was very similar feeling that I had when I last came here, before I left for college, the day I buried my heart, the day I decided I would never let go of him, I would never allow myself to love someone else, because deep down I knew, that I could never find a way to love someone other than him. I let the pain burn me, and rejoiced it, because it was reassuring. I knew I was right, I knew I had a reason to love him, but this, this was something else, something I couldn't put to words. I could feel now how much I really loved him, and for that I was grateful, I finally could understand why it was possible for me to love him beyond memories, beyond anything. Tears still ran through my face, but now they were happy tears.

"Hey" A voice called, I instantly froze. I knew who the voice belonged to.

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**Finally. Took me a while to finish it. I hope you enjoy it and please please review. More you review faster I will update.**

**Thank you for reading.**


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